I’m under your spell
Fold me in, took me down with your poisonous touch
You brought me to hell
Watch me burn with the fever that I love so much -Madonna
Unless you grew up completely devoid of any and all culture, you know who Madonna is. She had the cone bra, made a few hits in our time that were overused at every dance and cheer convention (I’m looking at you, “Hung Up”), and has been named “The Queen of Pop” by the people who matter. Basically, the entire world idolizes the shit out of her — so much so, that they’ve stolen her looks (Lady Gaga), her musical style (new pop version of Taylor Swift), and now, her identity (Adam Guerra).
Image via Youtube
Guerra recently appeared on one of my favorite shows, “My Strange Addiction.” If you haven’t seen it, you need to stop what you’re doing and dedicate the next week of your life to watching it on TLC. In short, it’s people telling us about their weird obsessions. It’s not like, “Oh I’m obsessed with cats, that’s why I have two of them.” It’s like, “I’m obsessed with cats so I became a cat.” Yeah, weird shit, and I’ve seen some really, really interesting ones. There was the lady who was obsessed with smelling moth balls and the guy who was “in a relationship” with his car. But this one? It was actually the best.
Guerra is a 27-year-old from Los Angeles who is literally addicted to being Madonna. Not dressing like Madonna. Not acting like Madonna. Being Madonna. He has had 18 surgeries and spent more than $175,000 on procedures and clothing to make him look like The Queen. Ready for his close-up?
Image via Youtube
While the contacts are a bit creepy, the rest of him? Day-um. Teach me how to contour, Adam, teach me how to contour.
Let’s compare this to a picture of Madonna herself:
We have to hand it to him, he did a good job. Who wore the eyebrows better? We have to give it to Adam, sorry M. Eyebrows aside, why would an attractive guy want to become Madonna? In the show, Guerra said that he “saw somebody who went from nothing to something. Who was herself and didn’t care what what anybody said about her. She was the one who everybody wanted to be.” Naturally, while Guerra loved being Madonna, his mother and his boyfriend did not. In this (ugly cry-inducing) episode of “My Strange Addiction,” Guerra’s significant other gives him a choice: Give up the Madonna act or give up the relationship. Ugh. After all of the fabulousness he went through, now he has to choose? Now, If you’ve ever seen the show, you’ll know that these people tend to stick with their ways. The man and the car lived happily ever after. The woman kept sending the moth balls right on up her nose.
But Adam? Adam did something different. After an extremely intense Madonna dance session, he must have heard someone calling his (real) name. “Like a Prayer” was answered, he finally felt “Like a Virgin,” becoming Adam “for the very first (well, second) time…” And since I can’t think of anymore Madonna puns, I’ll just let you watch it for yourself. Get those bedazzled tissues ready, though.
Ugh, sobbing. But, like, since you’re not using them anymore, can you send the costumes and makeup my way? I mean, it’s not my fault I’m a “Material Girl.”.
[via TLC Youtube]
Images via Youtube
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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