Hi potential sisters and girls I totally should have cut by now.
My name is…actually. Does it matter? It’s not like you’re actually going to remember my name. Or anyone else’s name, for that matter. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to make an impression. By now, I’m exhausted. You think you’re tired? HA. My feet are killing me, my smile is 100 percent fake, and I’ve been dreading this moment for awhile now. Can you tell? See how I’m fidgeting up here as you all file into this hot room (isn’t it like, really freaking hot)? Can you see how badly I wish I would have picked a different, less see-through white dress? Notice those tissues in front of you?
Yeah, you’re going to need them. Because my job? My job is to make you cry like a fucking infant. I’m you’re preference night “speaker” and you’re going to remember me for the rest of your life.
I don’t necessarily hold a position in this chapter. Until this moment I may or may not have ever really done anything for this sorority. But today, my chapter needs me. Chances are, at one point in my college career, I really needed them too. That’s why I’m up here. The reason I’m talking to you isn’t because I’m a leader or the face of this sisterhood. I might not get the best grades and there’s a chance I’ve been sent to standards. The reason I’m talking to you because something really shitty happened to me.
I don’t mean something shitty, like my boyfriend dumped me or I failed a class. No, I mean something shitty like the death of a loved one, depression, an eating disorder. The more painful, the better.
But don’t worry, I won’t complete destroy your spirits yet. First the president or recruitment chair is going to come up and say something about how “this is a glimpse into our sisterhood.” Which is a lie, by the way. Most chapter meetings include girls asking dumb questions while everyone else rolls their eyes. Notes are always being passed and phones are always hidden in planners. But not now. Now, we look the part of a perfect, attentive, sisterhood. After the heartwarming welcome, we’re going to sing. Because singing is a daily activity for us sorority girls. You really should have picked up on that by now. Chances are we’re all going to awkwardly belt one of three really heart-wrenching songs. I’m putting my money on “Feels like home to me.”
Then, after we talk about the flower or candle you’re holding (because yes, you’re most likely holding a flower or a candle), and how much we like you (because yes, we like you), I’m up. And I’m going to play on your emotions.
Big time.
I’m going to talk about the shitty thing I went through. Will I exaggerate? Maybe. Will you cry? Definitely. As you look around the room, sisters will be hugging each other and wiping away their tears. Sure, they’ve heard this story a hundred times. Chances are, they were a part of it. My goal is to make you walk out of this house sobbing harder than you did at any other house. That’s what I’m shooting for, really. Because the harder you sob, the better the chance of you running home to us. That’s the secret of preference night.
Want to know the even bigger secret?
Despite how dramatic we are, we mean every. single. thing we say tonight. We may not sing every time you walk in that door. And chances are you’ll see most of us without makeup and perfect hair more times than you’ll see us dolled up. We don’t get along 24/7 and I’m not going to say that we’re all best friends. I have a life outside of this sisterhood and we have our hard times. But at the end of it all, I love these women. I love them for pushing me to be my best, and accepting me at my worst. I love them for picking me up when I faced literal hell and being by my side every step of the way. I’m grateful that I get this chance to show you just how much these women care. Because at the end of it all, we’re more than just smiling Barbies. We’re bold and strong and we love each other so fiercely.
So tonight, as you fill out your final list, I want you to think. Not about which house made you cry the hardest (because honestly, we’ll all give you the sniffles) but about which group of girls you can see standing by your side. Because life is hard, and sometimes things go to shit. But I can promise you that no matter where you run home, you’ll find a group of girls who will be there for you when you don’t want to keep going. You’ll understand Greek life. You’ll understand why we want you so bad. And you’ll understand what it means to be more than yourself. It may not feel like it for everyone, but to me, to all of us, and hopefully to you, this chapter feels like home.
If you feel it too, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I can’t wait for you to run home. And I can’t wait to be you sister..
Nice Move556
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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