Ladies, it’s time we have a little chat.
It has come to my attention that most of you are having less-than-ideal sex. Sure, you say that you looooove it, and you act like you’re SUCH a slut over brunch with your friends – but in reality? You think sex is whatever.
You like the attention, and sure, it feels good. Sometimes. For the most part, however, you’re just using penetration to your advantage (no shame, it’s a solid move). You know that if you take a dick, you’re more likely to be taken out to dinner. Get pissed off at me all you want, it’s the truth.
But I say, no more! It’s time we stop acting like we enjoy sex and start actually enjoying it.
And, luckily for you, the secret to doing that isn’t some bullshit, new age, feel-good answer. I’m not going to tell you to just “be confident in yourself” or assure you that he isn’t looking at the way your thighs jiggle. What the hell do I know? He probably is looking at your thick legs. Whatever. Who cares? He’s fine. And you’re fine. Thankfully, the key to a great lay isn’t something stupid and unattainable. No, the secret to good sex is fun to use, easy to find, and is about to become your new best fuck-friend.
The answer to our sex problem? Lube.
That’s right. Lube. How could it be that simple, you and your annoyed vagina wonder? It’s that simple because most college girls aren’t using it. They’re scared to. They use spit and oral and blow jobs as a way to lube up for entrance, despite the fact that there’s a much easier way (that doesn’t involve a cock in your mouth). The thing is, most twenty-somethings think that using lube means admitting defeat. It’s like saying “I’m a dried up whore.”
But guess what? It’s not like that. At all. If you’ve never used lube, you don’t know what you’re missing. It makes everything fit together perfectly. Things slide and friction happens and all of a sudden, BAM! You’re having orgasms left and right. So why aren’t we using it? Because we’re acting like dumb bitches who don’t go after what we want.
Are you a dumb little bitch who doesn’t go after what she wants?
No. No, you are not. You’re a strong, sexual, woman who wants orgasms, damn it. And by God, you’re going to get them. So this is what you’re going to do. You’re going to pause your “Game Of Gossip Girl Project” and drive to the nearest, not completely sketchy sex shop. Once you’re there you’re going to ask the cashier for a not totally expensive, water based (if you use condoms), non-warming lube.
And there. You’re done.
The next time your boyfriend/FWB/fuck buddy comes over, you’re going to pull out the lube and use it. You’ll squirt some on your hand, put it on his (now rock hard because hello, you just pulled out lube and he’s beyond intrigued) penis, and experience the best sex of your life. And just like that, you’ll be a lube user. But wait? What if he thinks you’re weird or doesn’t want to bang because you brought out a bottle of pleasure oil? I can promise you, 10/10 times he will be down and act like it’s no big deal. If anything he’ll think that butt stuff is in his future. That’s up to you and your asshole to decide. But either way, his penis is about to go inside you. That’s all that matters.
So stop lying to your friends about how big of a slut you are. Stop insisting that you’re a Samantha, when you’re really a Miranda who just wants sex to stop. Stop denying yourself pleasure and start practicing the first rule of good sex: the wetter, the better. It’s time to make the world (and our vaginas) a better place. Do it for the orgasms lost each and every day. Do it for the vaginas that are dry, parched, and unhappy. And most importantly, do it for yourself. #ProLube..
Image via Shutterstock
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