“What do you want me to do to you, baby?” he purrs in your ear as his hand robotically paws at your shirt.
What do you want him to do? Your mind goes blank and you mumble something incoherently and wait while he plays with your nipples even though you don’t even like having your nipples played with. What do you want him to do? You want him to stop flicking your tits like you’re still in high school, stop trying to get you to dirty talk, and start making you orgasm.
But no, it’s totally cool if he just sweats on you for five minutes. Whatever, right?
Except no. Hell no. Bad sex sucks. Bad sex with a great guy double sucks. Maybe he’s gotten lazy. Maybe you’ve gotten bored. Maybe it’s fine but it could be better. But how do you tell him? With honest, open communication? Psh. Nah. That’s awkward and could totally backfire. So you lay there like a dead fish and think about what you want to watch in ten (okay seven) minutes.
There has to be another way, right? Yes. Duh. Luckily for you and your vagina I have found an app that will help you discover all of the dirty things you want to do and communicate them to your guy du jour without making him feel like he’s a total failure in bed. Besides, you’re always on your phone anyway.
It’s called “Undercovers” and it might be the secret to not totally sucking in the bedroom.
Basically, what it is is an app the lets you say things you’d like to try, the things you never want to try, and the things you would *consider* trying if the other person was into it. Here’s how it breaks down.
First, you put in your info. Sex, orientation, and the 411 on your partner.
Then you’re greeted with a whole bunch of selections. The heart is passionate. The mask is role play. The binoculars are like, putting on a show. The handcuffs are all of your BDSM activities. Think of the candy as little tricks and treats in (and out of) the bedroom. And all of the little gender signs? You guessed it. Group sex, folks. Group sex.
So let’s thrust a little deeper into these categories, shall we?
The Heart: “How About…”
This section is for things that couples would try when attempting to spice things up. Basically anything that’s said in “Never Have I Ever” is seen in here. From oral to anal, strap-ons to fetishes, this explores what you want done to you, what you want to do to him, and what you absolutely, will not, 100 percent ever do.
For those of us who have a flare for the dramatics and costumes, this section is reserved for pretending to be someone else. From a housewife and a mechanic, to being boss and a secretary, to even wearing each other’s clothes, this is for those of us who long for something, or someone else. In a manner of speaking of course, don’t get weird. Or do. Whatever.
Binoculars: “See And Be Seen”
Whether it’s in a car, a dressing room, or standing in a hotel window, some people get a rush from the danger of getting caught. Or hell, maybe they get a rush from actually getting caught. With questions concerning public places and visual acts, it’s pretty easy to see why people would be into this sort of thing. I mean, hello? We all love attention.
Handcuffs: “Sweet Surrender”
If “Fifty Shades” was a category, this would be it. Blindfolds, being tied up, and being in control (or submission) are components of this section. If chains and whips excited you, or the thought of wearing leather doesn’t totally make your skin crawl, this BDSM section should have things to spark your curiosity. Sadly your boyfriend does not turn into Christian Grey if you agree to any of this stuff. Trust me, I asked.
These are little things that almost anyone would be down to try. Incorporating food. Doing it in front of a fire. Peeing on each other. Jk on the last one (that’s in the first secton, tbh). They’re fun, sexy, and get your brain (and libido) moving.
Group: “The More The Merrier”
Yup. The section that your boyfriend has probably been praying for forever. The group sex one. Obviously, threesomes come up. A few times. But there’s other stuff in there too. Sex clubs. Making out with people. Looking but not touching. If the idea of watching, or playing, with other people entices you, jump to this section and just wait for him to marry you.
So do yourself (and your boyfriend, and your vagina) a favor and take this quiz. Find out what you’re into. Stop having missionary sex. You won’t regret it, trust..
To download the app, click “here.”