Thoughts Every Senior Has At Chapter


8:15 PM: Yes, we’re late. No, parking wasn’t bad, I just didn’t want to put on a dress and heels to listen to exec repeat the weekly email word for word. My pin is still in an unpacked box in my apartment where it will remain until I decide to unpack it, but you need a majority of the chapter here to vote, so you’ll let me in the door anyway.

8:20 PM: Oh look, there’s that bitch Megan who made out with my ex. Hey girl. It’s been sooooo long. So long since I’ve seen you not attached by the lips to a random, wasted frat boy. You’re such a slut! Lol, love ya!

8:25 PM: Oh my god, the new pledge class must be singlehandedly keeping Lilly Pulitzer in business. Also, when the hell did rompers become formal chapter appropriate?

8:28 PM: Oh, this old thing? I got it at a boutique at home this summer. I forget the name! JK. It’s Target. I got it from fucking Target.

8:30 PM: So glad we are getting this hazing talk for the hundredth time from the risk manager. No, I won’t be forcing the new girls to shotgun my spiked seltzer. Who the hell just gives away their alcohol like that? I feel hazed by this fucking meeting. Report that to nationals, Katie.

8:45 PM: Yay, love surprise workshops during chapter. Oh yeah, Claire, I’m sure it will “only take a few minutes.” That’s what you said about the binge drinking workshop, and I had to chug a bottle of moscato after that shit.

9:30 PM: Fucking liars. Snapchatting Olivia pictures of exec with obscene captions is the only thing keeping me alive. Oh fuck, I have an exam tomorrow.

9:55 PM: Morale is low. Looks like I won’t be making it by Josh’s house after this. Wonder if I can pretend my apartment is on fire and leave. I’d actually be relieved it was on fire. Text from my roommate; please be on fire, please be on fire.

10:15 PM: I swear to God, if one more bitch raises her hand for more announcements I will stab my eyes out with my Sheila hoops. Maybe if I just glare at them they’ll shut up.

10:20 PM: Holy shit, I am never coming to chapter again. Fine me.

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"ethos pathos logos migos four lokos doritos locos tacos" -Ben Franklin probably

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