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103 Thoughts You Have While He’s Not Texting You Back

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  1. OMG the joke I just sent was so funny.
  2. I bet he’ll think I’m super cute.
  3. And hilarious.
  4. And most likely decide to come over and surprise me with flowers.
  5. Or a ring. I know we’ve only been dating for two months, but when you know, you know. You know?
  6. I’m awesome.
  7. We’re awesome.
  8. I can’t wait to start our life together.
  9. I wonder where we’ll honeymoon. Hypothetically.
  10. Wait, has he texted back?
  11. When did I send that? Two minutes ago?
  12. Yeah. Hmmm, he probably hasn’t seen it yet.
  13. But, like, whatever.
  14. I’m not one of those girls who SITS by her phone just waiting for him to text back.
  15. I’m independent.
  16. I should turn my ringer on though, so I know when he does text back.
  17. While kind of glancing at my phone to see if he’s answered.
  18. Nope.
  19. What’s he doing? It’s been, like, seven minutes.
  20. I bet he left his phone in his room.
  21. No worries!
  22. Totally no big deal. I’ll just go grab a snack.
  23. I should take my phone with me though, just in case.
  24. I accidentally clicked the button on my phone when I grabbed it, and he still hasn’t answered.
  25. I should check to see if it went through.
  26. It says “delivered” but does that just mean it left MY phone?
  27. Or does that mean it arrived on his phone?
  28. Well, delivered means delivered. So, like, it delivered, but it doesn’t say received.
  29. Maybe he didn’t even get it yet.
  30. Or does it only say it was received if you have the read-receipt thing on?
  31. Damn iPhones.
  32. Wait, maybe he’s mad at me?
  33. Was what I wrote mean? Maybe he got upset.
  34. IT WAS A JOKE. UGH.
  35. I should send a smiley face just so he knows I was kidding.
  36. But then I’m double texting. I don’t want to seem desperate.
  37. Because I’m not. Obviously.
  38. It’s been 17 minutes since I sent the first text. If I send a follow up text, it’ll seem like I’m sitting here thinking about it.
  39. Shit.
  40. I’ll just wait a few more minutes.
  41. OH MY GOD, MY PHONE JUST WENT OFF. YES.
  42. It was my mom.
  43. Damn it, Mom.
  44. I should turn off the ringer. It’s making me way too anxious.
  45. What if he’s not mad at me about the text…but he’s mad about something else.
  46. Why would he be mad at me?
  47. What did I do?
  48. FUCK.
  49. How do I ALWAYS do something wrong?
  50. What? Like he’s perfect?
  51. He didn’t even get me a birthday present!
  52. Asshole.
  53. Why do I even care?
  54. I don’t.
  55. Fuck it, I’m going to text him.
  56. “:)”
  57. Good. Easy. Nice. Clear. Cool.
  58. That should clear up everything.
  59. Unless…
  60. What if he’s ignoring me?
  61. He probably is since he’s mad at me.
  62. Has he been on Facebook?
  63. He hasn’t posted anything, but if I go to the messenger thing, I can see if he’s been online.
  64. It says he hasn’t been on for nine hours.
  65. Hmm.
  66. Twitter?
  67. He hasn’t tweeted in seven weeks. So, shit.
  68. SHIT. Who doesn’t tweet once in seven weeks?
  69. Wait. What if he’s cheating on me?
  70. No, he wouldn’t.
  71. Right?
  72. I mean, he’s hot though. He could totally cheat on me.
  73. And guys only think with their dick.
  74. I bet it’s with the girl who he hugged at happy hour the other day.
  75. What a skank.
  76. I should see if she posted a picture of them.
  77. No…she hasn’t been online in a while, either.
  78. What if they aren’t online because they’re together?
  79. SCREWING?
  80. Oh. My. God. This is insane. Why would he cheat on me?
  81. UGH.
  82. I’m keeping my phone flipped over so I’ll stop fucking checking it.
  83. But I should put my ringer back on.
  84. Wait. He texted me back!
  85. Five minutes ago–I didn’t even realize!
  86. I’M SO CALM AND COOL I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE TEXTED BACK.
  87. HAAAAAA!
  88. What did he say, what did he say, what did he say?!
  89. “Lol”
  90. What?
  91. Lol? LOL?
  92. Laughing out loud?
  93. Are you kidding me?
  94. Laughing out FUCKING loud?
  95. After all that, this is ALL I get?
  96. Did he even LOL?
  97. I bet he didn’t. I bet he thinks I’m a dumbass.
  98. Fuck this.
  99. I don’t even care.
  100. I’m not texting him back.
  101. Well, at least not for another three minutes.
  102. LOL.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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