One of the biggest milestones in any relationship, exclusive or otherwise, is the first time you have sex with this new person. Whether it’s the second date, fifth date, a month in, or whatever you feel comfortable with, it’s bound to cause even the most self-assured girls some type of anxiety. The positive is that as a girl, you control the sex, meaning that the first time the two of you do it, it’s going to be on your terms. As such, you will have plenty of time to prepare for your collective first time, meaning you will also have plenty of time to overanalyze and stress about everything. I want to help negate some of that anxiety by giving you a timeline for you to become your most confident self before you sleep with someone new.
3 Days to 1 Day Prior to Date
If you’re the type of person who has a hard and fast rule about when you have sex with the person you’re dating, three days prior to that day you are going to be acutely aware that it is coming up. As such, it’s time to start prepping. The key to great sex is confidence. That means that from the very moment he sees you, you need to feel your most confident self. For me, that typically includes a ballin’ new outfit that gives the guy a subtle preview of all that he is going to get that night.
But it’s not just your outfit. You also need to think about underwear. Some girls advise on a matching lingerie set. Nothing crazy, but a sexy lace bra and panty set. I would advise against that. One, it looks like you are trying too hard to hard to be sexy. As much as guys wish it were true, they know we aren’t just sexbots constantly waltzing around in lacy underwear. Not only is it trying too hard, but wearing lingerie the first time you guys have sex sets the expectation that you’ll always be in lingerie. Again, that’s just unrealistic. Lingerie is for special occasions, not every occasion. My advice for underwear is a cute bra, maybe lace, maybe not and vaguely matching underwear. For example, if your bra is black, you could get away with a tan thong that has black detailing. You’ll look put together, but effortlessly and not like it was meticulously planned, even though it was.
There is also the topic of maintenance that you need to consider a few days before the big night. First and foremost, you need to decide if the guy is worthy enough of putting yourself through the torture of getting a Brazilian or if you are just going to shave day of. Even if you decide against a bikini wax, you may still want to get your eyebrows/lips/whatever waxed. If it’s close to the time when you would normally be taking care of these issues, push your appointment up a little bit in order to look your best self. Similarly, if you tan, make sure you make every appointment between now and your date. It is proven (I think) that tanning makes you look and feel skinnier. It also releases endorphins, which makes you happier and more relaxed. If for some reason fake and bake doesn’t interest you, at least religiously apply Jergen’s for the next few days,
Day of Date
D-day is here. In only a few short hours, you’ll experience another penis, hopefully the best to date. *Cue internal freakout.* At this point, you are probably being hyper-critical of every little flaw on your body. I could tell you that you are perfect the way you are, and I do believe that, but I know that statement will only be met with eye rolls and dick-sucking motions so I’ll give you some tips instead. Even if you aren’t a normally healthy eater, the day of try to limit your food intake to fruits and vegetables, preferably those that are raw or not heavily cooked in oil/butter/salt. Also, drink plenty of water. Of course these are helpful tips for any time, but water and fruits/veggies limit bloating, make your body feel better, and make your body and skin look better.
4 Hours Before Date
Meticulously shave and scrub every part of your body. Now is not the time for a rushed shave job where you only realize after you’ve already left the house that there is a giant patch of hair you missed on the back of your left thigh. The guy probably won’t even notice, but you will know it’s there and it will absolutely drive you crazy. Use the new, expensive scented body scrub that you’ve been dying to try out, but also haven’t wanted to waste on something insignificant. As soon as you get out of the shower, generously apply lotion to every inch of skin on your body. He’s going to be touching you everywhere tonight and the last thing you want is for this guy to run his and across a patch of skin that feels like the Sahara desert. Very much not cute.
2 – 3 Hours Before Date
Begin you beauty routine. You may get the urge to try and make this even more ‘special’ by trying out a new makeup trick or hairstyle you’ve been coveting lately. Don’t do this. Stick to tried and true looks that you know work and that you feel comfortable and confident in. Sure, maybe this new trick could be the end-all be-all and transform you into Gigi Hadid in one swoop, but the more likely scenario is that you fuck it up or it just doesn’t work with you and then you have to scramble to not only undo the damage, but also go back and use your go-to method. This will leave you stressed, anxious, and rushing, none of which is ideal when you are about to be at your most vulnerable with a guy. Stick to the basics and you’ll look amazing, I promise.
30 Minutes Before Date
Relax. Have a glass of wine. Sex is supposed to fun and you should be excited that you are moving this relationship to the next step. In my opinion, if you are too nervous about the thought of having sex with this guy that you can’t function, you shouldn’t be having sex with him yet. Sex is always your choice and you should not feel pressured to have it because you think ‘it’s time’ or because he expects it. If you aren’t comfortable getting naked with this guy, don’t. Yes, you’re going to have nerves, but they should be more like ‘butterflies’ or excitement, not anxiety.
A lot of people might think that this pre-date/pre-sex ritual is about prepping ourselves to look good for the guy. While there is that element to it, it’s mostly for us. I’m going to be honest, guys are much more observant than we give them credit for. The guy you’re about to sleep with knows what you look like and has seen your body in all different types of clothes, meaning he probably has a good idea what you look like naked. It’s not going to somehow be a shock to him when you take off your shirt and don’t have the boob to hip to butt ratio of Kim K.
We aren’t spending all this time prepping ourselves to look good for the guy. We are doing this to feel good about ourselves when we get naked. I said it before, but I want to reiterate it: self-confidence is the key to good sex. Whether it’s feeling confident in your body or feeling confident to ask for what you want in bed, confidence is most important. With that in mind, follow all of this or follow none of this in the timeline leading up to sleeping with someone new, but do what makes you feel good about yourself and let the orgasms follow..
Image via Shutterstock
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ChampagneShowers
Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at: champagne_showers@outlook.com
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