Columns

Timeline Of Securing A Formal Date

Timeline Of Securing A Formal Date

Formals are like chocolate chip cookie dough and eight pairs of Victoria’s Secret underwear for $25. Basically, they’re among the best things on earth. But for others, formals are just another chance to prove how clumsy you are in heels and how bad you are at plucking your own eyebrows. However, all of those things can be overlooked if you secure one little precious piece of cargo: a date.

One Month Away

You just found out this year’s spring formal is a masquerade. Excitement takes over and flashes of Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray dancing under twinkling lights sweep through your mind. Your sisters are already planning color schemes and vigorously calling dibs on Etsy masks. You’re caught up in the initial excitement, but soon terror takes over. You need a date. This is no trouble at all for your beautiful sisters. You, on the other hand, happen to take after Zooey Deschanel in the awkward department, and not in a cute way. You have plenty of guy friends, but you’ve never thought of them as formal date material–you need a man who looks good in both a bow tie and an Instagram picture. You decide not to sweat it too much; you still have four full weeks to seal the deal with Prince Charming.

Two Weeks Away

A couple weeks fly by and you’ve been so caught up drinking your feelings, faking your way through calculus, and Facebook stalking your ex that you forgot formal is in 14 days. You’re going dress shopping with the girls this weekend and your confidence will no doubt take a huge blow as they brag about boyfriends with trust funds and how their formal dates should be teeth models for Crest. You listen attentively for a bit, but soon you’re zoning out and trying meticulously to compile a list of potential suitors for yourself.

There’s your best guy friend. He’s nice and funny and you know he would be an acceptable date, but he likes you way more than you like him. I mean, he overanalyzed the fact that you invited him to get ice cream last week, so what would he think if you took him to formal? Then there’s the hottie you sit next to in French class. He’s in a frat and always looks good, but his ex is in your house and you don’t want to cause any drama. More panicking. You could ask the guy who works at the front desk of the rec, or the one who cleans the dining room after Monday night dinners (LOL not). You could even ask the your bartender, but you’re too shy and you also realize he’s actually 35 and maybe not a suitable date anymore. And just like that you’re back to square one.

One Week Away

You’re in the home stretch. You didn’t want to, but you’re running out of options, so you volunteered to be set up. Your sisters tell you how great their guy friends are and how much you will love them. You look through their pictures and tweets; you think it’s like choosing a sperm donor, but with less commitment. Finally you settle on one. He’s a little dorky, but in a cute way. His frat brothers have nicknamed him “Handle-Hands” so he must be a good time. Right?

One Day Away

It’s so close you can taste it. You finally figured out how to curl your hair for a beach waves effect and you’ve picked out a pair of shoes that make your butt look great. Nothing could go wrong. Then your date calls. His grandma took a tumble down her driveway and broke her orthopedic hip, so he has to go back to his hometown to visit her in the hospital. He’ll never make it back in time and even though you want to be selfish, you know his grams comes first. You have a one-of-a-kind mask and a gorgeous dress, but no date. Twenty-four hours is not long enough to secure a new one. You do the only thing you know how: call your sisters.

The Day Of

Everyone looks fab and the best part is, you and your besties are going as a group! You found out the night before that a few other girls got ditched by their dates, too, and after a quick 15 second deliberation, you all decided to take each other. The pictures are way more fun (and 10 times as cute, hello candids!) and the dance is a blast. Going stag was the best decision you could have made, and you know when you look back, you’ll be glad you secured the best formal dates out there–your sisters.

Email this to a friend

JuicyJ

Lover of string cheese and sarcasm, occasional badass.

0 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More