With the semester coming to an end, many sorority girls across this fine nation find themselves in a situation where they want to get in every last drop of alcohol possible before summer vacation. Given all the socials, Greek Week, end-of-the-year bar crawls, and general debauchery, it’s easy to forget that standards meetings still exist. During the time of the year when we’re on our worst behavior, it’s important to remember the five big mistakes that can lead to that call.
5. You were way too drunk.
This is the godfather of reasons for being sent to standards. It’s the cause of the vast majority of incidents of general debauchery that result in a hot date with your chapter advisor and the rest of the gang. No matter what ridiculous thing you’re doing, alcohol is the culprit. Sometimes, if the wrong girl catches you unable to walk, you’re done for.
4. You hooked up far too passionately at a social event.
Feelin’ frisky, are we? Well this one is pretty common for the same few reasons. Boys shove drinks down your throat in a thinly veiled attempt to get action. After said drinks, you’re getting down on the dance floor and drunkenly forget that exec is staring while you play tonsil hockey. They’re not going to say anything until your boy starts getting handsy, and when dancing and gratuitous amounts of alcohol are involved, he’s going to get handsy. The look your standards chair gives you tells you how “bad you’re making the chapter look” before she actually gets a chance to say it out loud at your meeting. Whatever, she’s just jealous she isn’t getting any.
3. You blacked out, sketched out, and no one could find you.
Let’s say you go on a road trip for out-of-town date function. This clearly means lots and lots of raging will be happening before and during the bus ride there. If there’s alcohol being served at your destination, there’s a good chance you won’t remember a solid portion of the night. In your brown to blackout state, you are very easily tempted or persuaded to leave the venue and check out wherever you happen to be for a few minutes. A raised BAC has this weird way, however, of altering your perception of time. What feels like a few minutes could have easily been an hour or two of you sketching off, and stumbling back to see your entire sorority, and their dates giving you the stink-eye because they’ve been waiting on the bus for your drunk ass. You’ll pass out under the watchful eye of standards. Get comfortable, because you’re about to spend a lot more time with her.
2. You got kicked out of the bar/venue.
Nice job, champ. You were thrown out by a bouncer, or taken away in cuffs by a police officer in front of your whole chapter. Ouch. This may be the most publicly embarrassing of standards summons, and it almost always happens for blatant underage drinking. You’d better hope that the bouncer sees you instead of a cop, otherwise yours will be the horror story of a 20-year-old led out in handcuffs while her sisters are still waiting in line. Needless to say, it will be the worst walk of shame in your life.
1. You threw up in front of an exec member.
This is the final stop on the standards train: vomming. If you made it to this point, you’ve probably done everything else on this list. Congrats! Now it’s important to note that I’m not talking about vomiting really quickly in the bathroom, followed by an epic rally. Believe me, if you can do that, then standards and exec have no reason to be anything but impressed by your raging ability. I’m talking about the barely conscious, semi-grumbling, half-asleep girl who hasn’t left her bathroom stall in 10 minutes. After a few minutes in there, someone is bound to notice your love affair with the toilet bowl and attempt to start helping. You’ll feebly try to wave her off, but she stays. You try to say something like “I’m okay, I just need to get this out really fast,” but instead say something along the lines of “Shmiiin eeget outttuh ruhrl ssstttttttt” before trailing off and retiring your head to its resting position. If this is a younger sister, she’ll likely be concerned about your intoxication and ask a member of exec what to do. Boom. Standards meeting. With an exec witness, there’s no getting out of this one, or lying about how drunk you actually were. Eeek.
The standards meeting could be worse than your 2-day hangover, but it’s all a part of college. Sorry for partying?
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