Well, ladies, it is time. Recruitment is over for just about everyone and it’s time to start focusing on schoolwork and/or ways to procrastinate from doing schoolwork. When I was in school, approximately all of my free time was dedicated to my sorority: going to sorority events, planning out
rituals pregames, and sending out funny emails to my listserv, because I liked the attention. The only thing that could have been better than writing about hilarious, relatable college shenanigans would have been getting paid to write about hilarious, relatable college shenanigans, and to write about them for more people.
So, I’d like to offer that opportunity to you, dear TSM enthusiasts. Total Sorority Move is looking for new, funny, awesome writers, and if that describes you, then why the hell haven’t you applied already? It’s a good deal. After a trial writing period — during which you’ll prove you have what it takes — you’ll find out that there are some serious perks. You’ll get a little extra spending money for purchases you don’t want to explain to your father, like lingerie, Plan B, or donations to the Girl Scouts or something. I don’t know your life. You’ll get a little bit of internet fame. (Millions of people read the site per month, meaning a lot of eyes will be on your pieces.) It’s a lot like real fame, except people don’t put your face on sheets or recognize you in public, but it’s still fun. Finally, you’ll get to work for the coolest company in the country, possibly the world. Not to mention, more than half of our full-time media team began as freelance writers for Grandex, so if you think a career in writing or in, like, sorority, is for you, this is a really good way to get your foot in the door.
In exchange, we’re looking for you to showcase your skills as a badass writer and the ultimate funny girl. We want to see your ability to choose topics that are interesting and relevant to our audience as well as your ability to execute them in a funny and relatable way. Also, having good grammar is a plus. Before you write in, I want you to LISTEN TO WHAT I AM TELLING YOU. We have a specific set of criteria, and if you can’t meet them, you will not be considered for our writing team.
1. Your submission should be FUNNY. Do not write some Thought Catalog feelings crap. Yes, we appreciate feelings here, because estrogen, but literally anyone who can put words together can do that. I want to see that you can write a humorous piece, because funny > feelings.
2. Don’t use “bro” or “betch” language. There should be no excessive use of the word “like,” don’t abbreviate, don’t use the word “slampiece,” and for the love of Starbucks, don’t use the word “srat.”
3. Write a LONG-FORM piece of content. I’m talking about a full-on column. I’d aim for about 600 words. Lists will not be considered. Based on the volume of submissions expected, news stories will probably be irrelevant by the time we read them, so they will also not be considered.
4. Write a new piece of content. We are not interested in your dissertation or the piece that was published in your school newspaper. I don’t want to read your blog or something you wrote for another website. Write something for TSM, and make it something we haven’t read before.
To apply, please email a brief cover letter to Veronica@Grandex.co (not .com) explaining why you think you’d be a good fit for our writing team. Attach an original writing sample for consideration..