“‘Twas The Night Before Christmas,” College Edition

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‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Greek town
not an active was hazing, with no pledges around.
The houses were empty, the students were home,
with families who love them, and beds they’ve outgrown.

Mothers were happy, their kids finally here,
but the students were desperate, for a shot and a beer.
So sratstars were texting, all missing each other,
and frat boys were planning to drink with their brothers.

High school friends met at their local hot spot.
Old flings reignited, because why the fuck not?
They drank ’til they couldn’t, because “when in Rome,”
Then they gathered their asses and stumbled back home.

When out on the porch, there arose such a clatter,
mother sprang from her bed to see what was the matter.
It was her daughter, slumped in a drunken stupor,
though she was laughing, mother saw no humor.

Across that same hometown, there was also a boy,
who went home hammered, bringing his mother no joy.
Greeks everywhere had partied, celebrating the season,
not that they actually needed a reason.

The parents were angry, the students were sloshed,
this wholesome family Christmas was officially botched.
They’d soon be forgiven, when morning would call,
and the hangovers were punishment enough for them all.

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to

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