It was a beautiful, sunny day my freshman year, when my floormate, Courtney, and I were abruptly stopped by a senior in my sorority on our way to our favorite coffee shop on Main Street. She was decked out in green, and supremely wasted in a way I hadn’t seen her before, as I was just initiated, and tried to stay away from the older girls at mixers.
“V-Ruckh,” which was my blackout name, “You fucking bitch. Why the fuck aren’t you at Grotto’s right now? Who’s your friend? Is she one of our babies too? I can’t keep you all straight. It doesn’t matter. You need to leave Central Perk immediately and get your asses across the street. I’m only here to pee, because the bathrooms are disgusting over there. If you’re not drunk by the time I’m done in here, there will be consequences.”
I was pretty sure she was kidding. I was also pretty sure she wouldn’t remember seeing me. But it was a beautiful day, and drinking seemed like a better idea than coffee, so we obliged. It quickly became one of my favorite daging events of the spring. It was also the first time I really learned that all daging events at UD happened at Grotto’s, the patio bar that doubles as the worst pizzeria on Main Street. It sounds like the most ridiculous place in the world to be, but I swear it was magical inside. The music was loud, the bartenders were friendly (Hay Shmidty), and the double LITs were only $4. There were arcade games to keep the geeds occupied, and if you headed toward the back, there was a popcorn machine. If you were feeling particularly ravenous, you could grab a table back there and shovel your popcorn down your gullet before bringing a second basket back to your friends.
From this popcorn shoveling location, you can get a good view of Grotto’s beautiful backyard — an overpriced parking lot that’s always full when you’re late to class. On St. Patty’s Day this year, people got a view. Two students were seen (and photographed!) going at it up against the dumpsters because they were DELAWASTED!!!!!
The first suspect is described as a college-aged male with brown hair. He was last seen wearing a green button down shirt, khaki pants and brown boots.
The second suspect is described as a college-aged female with blonde hair. She was last seen wearing a green short-sleeve T-shirt, jean shorts, brown cowboy boots and glasses.
Oh, good. So it literally could have been anyone in the entire school.
The conversation that went on between my friends and me upon acquiring this photo was something of a combination of crying laughing emojis, a WHO DOES THAT?! and a meager “poor girl,” when we reminded each other that our friend had sex in the library. Mostly we were just curious what the dialogue was like between them: “Let’s just do it right here so we’re not too far from the bar when we’re done.” Gives a whole new meaning to the term dumpster slut. Ahhh, to be young.
[via UDaily]
Image via TFM
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
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