None of my friends got pregnant in high school. TSM.

The only boys that can get below my Mason-Dixon Line are those who have pledged under it. TSM.

Adopting an underprivileged teenager and having him become an NFL star. TSM.

Being a Jackie, not a Marilyn. TSM.

Dear standards,
sorry for partying. TSM.

On gamedays, I shotgun Nattys in $300 Lilly dresses and my grandmother’s pearls. TSM.