All I want for Christmas is you…to march your ass to the nearest Tiffany & Co. TSM.

Being disappointed when a potential new little isn’t as good as you’d hoped she’d be at judging people based exclusively on how they look. TSM.

I’m like the version of Kate Upton whose father loved her. TSM.

Your standard Sunday outfit being sweatpants and last night’s dress. TSM.

Saying you’re “basically sober” because you aren’t blacked out. TSM.

Being so perfectly passive aggressive that she doesn’t even know you’re being mean. TSM.

“What do you think, I’m NEW to the world of manipulating men? Don’t insult me.” TSM.

Aaaaand boyfriend season is now officially over. TSM.

Sweetie, you’re not pretty. You’re blonde. There’s a difference. TSM.