Don’t judge me by my past. And by “my past,” I mean 12 hours ago. TSM.

Your shack t-shirt quilt being bigger than your sorority t-shirt quilt. TSTC.

Dramatically breaking up with someone you weren’t even dating. TSM.

Writing an eight-page term paper about “Legally Blonde.” TSM.

Staying in his dorm the night before move out day as a strategic means to meet his parents. TSM.

Keep your friends close, and your standards chair the closer. TSM.

Having a signature Instagram filter. TSM.

Demanding “who do you know here!?” even when you’re not the host. TSM.