“I don’t believe in marriage. I do, however, believe in Botox. That works every time” -Sam Jones. TSM.

I can apply make up perfectly in a moving car. Where do I put that on my résumé? TSM.

Using read receipts so people know when you’re ignoring them. TSM.

TSA patting down your hair. TSM.

If your feet still hurt in your heels, you’re not drunk enough. TSM.

Saving your dad’s contact with the credit card emoji. TSM.

Dress like Jackie, party like Gatsby. TSM.