Veruca Salt having her daddy wrapped around her finger. “But Daddy, I want it nowwww!” TSM.

It’s my birthday and everyone knows I always get what I want. So I know this will be posted. TSM.

I ignore your late night calls every weekend. Get the hint already. Thanks. TSM.

I have the eye from across the bar mastered. TSM.

I wish I could just write on my resume future trophy wife. This whole job thing is not for me. TSM.

Chewing celery burns more calories than it has. TSM.

Never going to the bathroom alone. TSM.

None of my bridesmaids will be ugly. TSM.

Wine, the way to any sorority girl’s heart. TSM.

Dumb questions are my middle name. TSM.