Having as much holiday cheer as Buddy the Elf. TSM.

Taking standards to standards. TSM.

Having drunken blackmail photos of everyone you know. TSM. Never being able to use them, because they also have drunken blackmail photos of you. TSTC.

Facebook doesn’t make it official. His credit card in your wallet does. TSM.

Buddy the Elf getting drunk and saving Christmas. TSM.

Why can’t grad school have Greek life too? TSM.

The closest thing to a threesome he’ll ever get is being in a picture between you and your little. TSM.

It’s not real until he goes on a tampon run. TSM.

Your dad and his buddies telling stories of their fraternity days, then urging you not to go by their old house. TSM.

Giving a hickey to mark your territory. TSM.