When you only know a girl from stalking her on social media, but can determine without a shadow of a doubt that you hate her. TSM.

Poking the ice to move it around with your straw to indicate to him you’re ready for another drink. TSM.

In 2013, I resolve to make out with somebody soberly. Maybe. TSM.

Judging people based on how they hold their wine glasses. TSM.

If you’re a bird, I kill birds for sport. TSM.

You may all go to hell, and I will go to Hobby Lobby. TSM.

Getting “cry for an hour to new girls you’ve never spoken to about how lucky they are to have four years ahead of them” drunk. TSM.

The university putting a price limit on all competitions because your sorority has an “unfair advantage.” TSM.

Having your best friend change your Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest passwords so you actually study for finals. TSM.

Formal season: survival of the thinnest. TSM.