Don’t judge me by my past. And by “my past,” I mean 12 hours ago. TSM.

Dramatically breaking up with someone you weren’t even dating. TSM.

Demanding “who do you know here!?” even when you’re not the host. TSM.

“Do all things with sass and glitter.” TSM.

Never being sent to standards, because everyone is afraid of you, not because you follow the rules. TSM.

Go home, Standards. I’m drunk. TSM.

Going on more dates with your big than any member of the male population. TSM.

Fraternity girlfriends being a sorority of its own. TSM.

“I’m not a bitch, I’m THE bitch.” TSM.