Can’t I just be a cuddlepiece with t-shirt privileges? TSM.

Watching Toddlers and Tiaras every week to prepare myself to be a stay at home Mom with a beautiful pageant princess. TSM.

Going to the gym to actually sweat, and going to school to actually get an education. TSM.

I’m not a slampiece, I’m a take-home-to-meet-the-fam-piece. TSM.

I don’t dye my hair or starve myself to stay thin. I don’ t look down upon lower tier sororities. I’m not getting my MRS degree but an MBA instead. I can make a fantastic sandwich, award winning cupcakes and unbutton an Oxford and khakis with one hand. TSM.

Never had my belly button pierced. TSM.

Okay geed, you may think I “bought” my friends but at least I don’t have to take photos of myself in the bathroom just so there’s pictures of me on Facebook. TSM.

5-9, 105 pounds, D cup, natural blonde. Just something else Mommy and Daddy gave me, good genes. TSM.

Have fun cooking and cleaning your whole life southern sorostitute. Where we’re from we have maids to do that. We spend our days with our personal trainers and spending our rich husband’s money. TSM.

If you’re shorter than me, don’t talk to me. TSM.