I’m going to marry you. Plan your life accordingly. TSM.

I knew I was going to hire her the moment I saw my letters written on her resume. TSM.

The fight to the death for the last wooden A. TSM.

Buying your Fratdaddy celebratory cigars in honor of your new little. TSM.

I don’t understand how the US Postal Service is lacking business. I always mail my handwritten thank-you cards. TSM.

“You’re a rich girl and you’ve gone too far, ’cause you know it don’t matter anyway.” TSM.

You may hope that they serve beer in Hell, but I know I’ll be greeted with a mimosa in Heaven. TSM.

Last year I was an intern and this year I have one. TSM.

My Women’s Studies professor rolled her eyes at me when I told her that I learned how to cook, clean and fold the perfect fitted sheet by age 7. I smiled and then informed her that Daddy is a Republican. TSM.