We’ve hooked up like four times now, so we’re basically engaged. TSM.

Where are my keys? Phone? Dignity? Whatever, best two out of three. TSM.

Using “I’m a legacy” as your excuse for everything, even if it’s not applicable to the situation. TSM.

Inviting your slampiece over to hook up, but not before he gives you the notes for the class you skipped for brunch. TSM.

I like my coffee as ice cold as my heart. TSM.

As I walk through the valley in the shadow of the frat house, I will fear no standards, for my vodka and whiskey they comfort me. TSM.