The struggle when choosing between a well-painted cooler and a well-preserved manicure. TSM.

I only like you when I’m drunk, but when I’m drunk I really like you. TSM.

I only have beer goggles for you. TSM.

I’m not upset just because I’m drunk, I’m drunk because I am upset. TSM.

Writing thank you cards to Mom and Dad for the birthday presents you bought yourself. TSM.

Willing a fraternity in your senior will. TSM.

Spoiling our pledges, hazing his. TSM.

Paying for your friends and never having buyer’s remorse. TSM.

“Oh, this old thing?” TSM.

Making out with a guy, then Facebook stalking his girlfriend the next morning. TSM.