Are you a sorority girl who’s found herself stuck in a rut? Have you become bored with the same two bars your friends drag you to night after night? Do you long for a fresh crop of men to creepily stare at from the shadowy end of the bar charm the pants off of? Don’t get down! There’s hope for you! It’s an ace in the hole that goes vastly undervalued. With proper planning, some gas money, and zero shame, you too can successfully pull off the wonder that is going to party on a different campus.
That high school friend you’re swooping in on arguably has the most important job here. She needs to make you seem like the female embodiment of coolness. At this point in your college career, you’ve crafted a certain aesthetic that your squad recognizes you by. Maybe you’re the responsible and caring mom of the group, maybe you’re the bookworm, or maybe you’re the girl who gets blackout on a Monday. Whatever the case, you have the benefit of being mysterious to all of her friends. Is she cute? Peep this overly-Facetuned Instagram picture. Is she fun? Party is your middle name, bitch. Does she drink? Your liver could probably handle motor oil, TBH. The possibilities of who you could be are endless.
Now that we’ve established that you’re the hottest, coolest girl that ever hit the streets, you have to live up to the hype. You can’t just waltz in and promptly turn into Mia Thermopolis pre-Paolo. First impressions are everything. Much like that horrific first semester of freshman year, everything is new and exciting – go all in. If you’re meeting everyone at a house party, walk in the door with a handle of the highest proof liquor you can find. Some say Absinthe is excessive, I say it sounds like a fun time. If you’re meeting at a bar, dance on tables, flirt with boys, work that crowd.
This final step is crucial. Once you’ve completed your dignity purge and left no stone unturned, the only thing that should follow you back to your university are some fun-but-not-too-fun pictures for the gram, a perfectly crafted alibi, and a pounding headache. Your friends back home don’t need to know that you made out with three different guys, or that you may or may not have stolen some girl’s half-eaten sandwich off the table at 3:00 AM. Deny, deny, deny. The whole point of this trip is to break loose. Get it all out, leave it there, and go back to casually sipping red wine at pregames.
Now that you have the three tools for success, grab your phone and hit your friend up. Whether it’s a small university that’s right down the road or another huge college town a few hours away, you owe it to yourself to take the weekend off..
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Typical bitch. Lover of red wine. Perfecter of the side eye. I play Broadway show tunes out loud in the gym. My brunch order is Chicken & Waffles.
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