37 Totally Not Crazy Ways To Tell Him You Want To Be Exclusive

bride crying crazy

  1. Have an honest and open discussion when you’re both sober and in good moods.
  2. Have an honest and open discussion when you’re both drunkity drunk drunk.
  3. Have an honest and open discussion when you’re fighting about that girl he keeps fucking Snapchatting.
  4. Have an honest and open discussion when you’re drunk and crying at the bar because you’re not FBO.
  5. Have your friends talk to him.
  6. Have his friends talk to him.
  7. Bring it up mid-blow job.
  8. Bring it up mid-sex.
  9. Send him an FBO request and see what happens?
  10. Start leaving more and more stuff at his place until one day he realizes that you just sort of moved in without him noticing.
  11. Every time people ask you what you are, give him the look and say that you’re “just friends.”
  12. Tell him that only boyfriends get blow jobs.
  13. Every time a couple shows up on TV, sigh and say “don’t they look so happy?”
  14. Make passive aggressive comments about how even your slutty friend Jenna has a boyfriend.
  15. Ask him if he’s not dating you because he wants to sleep with your slutty friend Jenna.
  16. Just starting calling him your boyfriend in front of him.
  17. Tell him you love him. What could go wrong?
  18. Put up a picture of the two of you on Instagram and write a long, rambling paragraph about how much you love your BOYFRIEND and how happy your BOYFRIEND makes you and omg did everyone know that he’s your BOYFRIEND?!
  19. Tag him in the post.
  20. Print out pictures of the two of you and place them all around his apartment.
  21. Like a, covering-every-wall-conspiracy-theory-level amount of pictures.
  22. If you don’t have enough pictures together, just Photoshop your heads onto peoples’ wedding photos.
  23. Order some save-the-dates.
  24. Have them delivered to his apartment.
  25. Tell him you put a down payment on a wedding venue.
  26. Put a down payment on a wedding venue.
  27. Show up at his apartment in a wedding dress.
  28. Show up at his apartment in a wedding dress with a pastor and his parents in tow.
  29. Fake a pregnancy scare.
  30. Or hell. Maybe just accidentally on purpose get pregnant. I’m sure it wouldn’t ruin both of your lives or anything.
  31. Become best friends with his mom and just wait for her to tell him that he needs to wife you up.
  32. Research Pagan rituals.
  33. Do Pagan rituals.
  34. Witchcraft. Practice witchcraft.
  35. Throw some animal and/or human sacrifices in there, just to be safe.
  36. Kidnap him, lock him in your closet, and keep him in there until he agrees to marry you.
  37. Maybe just like, ask him?

How hard can it be, right?

Image via Shutterstock

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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