There was a hill by my old house that we used to love to cruise down on our tinsel-tricked-out-tricycles. We would set ourselves up at the top of the hill, kick our little light-up shoes out to the side and coast. For a moment we were carefree and nothing could stop us except our moms calling us in for dinner. One day, I was practicing alone and I rolled up to the tricycle runway and kicked my Barbie shoes until I was flying. All I really remember was the sound of screeching breaks, the smell of burning rubber on asphalt and a car horn honking. I was leaned up against a tree with my helmet sideways and dirt on my face, but otherwise unscathed. The car had just missed me, but somehow when I was flying I had forgotten where the breaks were. All the rationality was abandoned when my five-year-old feet lifted from the ground.
The same is true for falling for someone-we know when we should hit the breaks, so how do we not realize we have fucked up until we are sitting up against a tree with our helmet barely on and our light up shoes twinkling as if to say “I told you so.” Or, the college equivalent of crying drunk in a bar bathroom with our loyal sisters patting our backs halfheartedly even though they tried to warn us about the fuckboy of the week.
But maybe it’s not entirely our fault… Here are some dilemmas and what science,
0yes the subject you ditched for your sketchy high school boyfriend) has to say about it.
The Dilemma: “I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong, my relationship is rainbows and butterflies, everyone else is just jealous.”
Well, probably not sweetie, but here’s the question- how are we not able to see when we, ourselves, are in a shitty relationship? Turns out the answer could lie in science. recently the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology led by Richard West at James Madison University and Keith Stanovich at the University of Toronto suggested that “we naturally assume that everyone else is more susceptible to thinking errors, a tendency known as the “bias blind spot.” Maybe that’s why we make statements like “I would never shut out my friends for a boyfriend” or “if I were in her position, I would have dumped that douchebag a long time ago.” Fast forward two months when said girl ignores all her friends for her new boyfriend, because they just “don’t get us, you know?” No, we don’t know, so get your head out of your pinterest wedding board and realize that you’re going to start losing the ones who matter.
The Dilemma: I’m falling for this boy hard and like my girl Amy Shumer Says, “It’s like [I’m] on drugs but can’t come down. And [I’m] terrified that the person could just tear [my] heart out at any second.” Help!
There’s a reason cocaine is illegal, and falling in love should probably be prohibited as well. Before you stop reading, this article because you think I’m “so weird, and just, you know, came up to [you]. and started talking about crack,” let me get to why. A recent article in Psychology Today states that “there are striking similarities between the brain state of a person falling in love and that of a person who has just smoked crack cocaine.“ So, should we start having “are you in love” to our background checks. After all, would you want someone who has similar decision making skills as someone on crack cocaine operating power tools, balancing your checkbooks or conducting your pap smear? Abso-fucking-lutely NOT!
I guess the moral of this story is that if we throw rocks at your windows, call you at 3am, or tell you how our cat died in the 3rd grade, we are on some kind of drug and that drug is your love (S/O ke$ha) Basically, we can’t be accountable for what we did when we were in love. So when we forget to pump the brakes in a toxic relationship, it isn’t necessarily our fault, cocaine affects all ages and socio-economic classes and so does falling in love. So, we aren’t crazy we are just in love. Although, I’ve never been in love, so I’m not sure what my excuse is.