When a guy buys you a drink at the bar, what does he expect? At that moment, you don’t really care all that much about what he wants. You’re just (semi) appreciative of the free beverage. But aren’t you a little curious as to what exactly he thinks he’ll get in return for that small offering of alcohol — a small offering that he, himself could have consumed, had he not given it to you? I decided to get the inebriated opinion of completely random men in the most popular bar near my college campus. The answers varied from cute, to vaguely normal, to gloriously, drunkenly honest.
Here were their answers (and a look into the male psyche):
“Conversation.”
This was the most common answer at the beginning of the night. Cool, man. You’re a great guy or whatever. Boring. I’ll check back with you after a few more shots.
“Sex.”
Really? For just one drink? I guess this works on the girls whose drinks aren’t usually purchased for them. Best of luck in your safari for girls with low self-esteem, sir.
“Conversation that will lead to sex.”
Now, we’re getting somewhere.
“Beeeeeeej.”
TFM
“When you buy a shot, you’re trying to close the deal. If you buy a beer, you’re just trying to extend the conversation.”
A method. I like it.
“Lets get fucked up and make some mistakes.”
This seemed to be less of an answer and more of a mantra, as he could be heard shouting it until closing time.
“To get laid.”
I appreciate your honesty.
“One drink? Conversation. Two? Get a little personal. Three? I better be walking out the door with you.”
Basic concept of investment and return. I see you. What about four?
“One drink, like five minutes of your time. Two drinks front door. Three drinks back door.”
Well, that escalated quickly.
“If you buy a girl a drink and she walks away she’s just a c*nt.”
Right… That doesn’t exactly answer my question but I’m going to back away now. My apologies
“At least a phone number.”
…and at most? Babies?
“For her to drink it.”
*eye roll* You’re useless.
“A good, solid conversation. At least 5-10 minutes.”
Is that what the stopwatch is for?
“A good time. A smile?”
Well, aren’t you a peach.
“Her fake politeness to pretend that she gives a shit about me.”
I seem to have struck a nerve. Let me give you my therapist’s business card.
“Anal.”
I think I have another business card somewhere in here…
“At least a dance floor make out and finger bang.”
Oh yeah, at LEAST a public finger bang. I see how a $3 beverage warrants that.
“Not a whole lot. It’s a desperate move.”
I think this is the guy staring at you from across the room trying to make something happen by sheer willpower.
“I’ll buy you a drink and show you.”
Clever, Casanova.
“They say ‘thank you,’ then walk away. That’s what usually happens.”
Well, that was a slap in the face.
So now you know. Like most things in life, there is not one answer. Tuck these pearls of wisdom into your back pocket, and for the love of free alcohol, try to strike a balance between immediately walking away and charging a mere two drink admission to your back door.
Do you have a question you want me to ask 20 random men in a bar? Tweet it to @Big_Knows_Best
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