Two weeks ago on his podcast, seasoned TFM writer Jared Fried discussed the topic of ending a relationship with a girl for no reason. Because I was the test subject in this scenario almost two years ago to the day, it notably stirred up some feelings for me. At first, I thought a nasty “better than revenge”-esque rebuttal would be the perfect “anniversary” gift to my ex, but by the end of the segment, as much as I wanted to refute every word that came out of Jared’s mouth, I found the entire discussion as a whole to be frustratingly logical. However, the one thing this podcast missed was a girl’s take on the subject–not the opinion of a crazed, psychopathic, voodoo-doll-in-my-purse girl, but of one who’s the seemingly intelligent, relatively normal, and only half-bitter.
So here it is.
When you dump a good girl for no reason, she’ll try to rationalize it. No matter how many times you tell her something like, “there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re amazing,” she won’t believe you. “There has to be a reason why he’s choosing not to be with me,” she’ll think. She’ll search for a reason. She’ll blame her mind, her body, and her personality. She’ll relive every day, every second, every moment the two of you spent together in detail, desperately looking for a piece of logic.
When you dump a good girl for no reason, your family and friends will think you’re crazy. You’ll be more embarrassed to break the news to them than you will be to her. They’ll be confused. They’ll be upset. They’ll wonder why. They’ll want to reach out to her. Maybe they will. Your reasoning of, “we just aren’t a good fit” won’t work for them like it did with her. They’ll recognize what a great person you’re choosing to let go–even if you don’t.
When you dump a good girl for no reason, her frustration and confusion manifest as anger. Telling her things like, “you’re perfect, you deserve to be treated like a princess,” will make her want to put her perfect fucking fist through a wall. She knows she deserves that–but she doesn’t understand why you can’t be the person to treat her that way.
When you dump a good girl for no reason, she has nothing and no one to blame but herself. No one cheated, no one lied, no one was failing out of school or going abroad. There are no external factors to point to, no outside forces to claim responsibility. She’ll start to pity herself thinking that everyone around her is doing the same. For the longest time, she’ll live in a constant state of thinking, “I’m wrong. I messed up. This is my fault.” She’ll feel like a fool for even caring about you in the first place.
So for all the guys out there reading this, the thing you need to understand is this: dumping a girl for no reason is not the same as a girl dumping you for no reason. Since guys put themselves out there more often, they face rejection much more often than girls do, and because of this, they are able to build up a tolerance to it more quickly and easily than girls can. You get it. You get that sometimes it just doesn’t work out. And you know how to deal with it. You learn what it feels like, you learn to chalk it up, and you learn to move on. Most girls are incapable of doing this. I’m not telling you to lie to her, slow-fade her, or conjure up some ridiculous reason for breaking up just for the sake of giving one. I’m just saying that the next time you find yourself saying “the story is better than the relationship,” even if it hurts, maybe that’s the reason she needs. It’s better than nothing..