What To Wear
Freshmen: You wake up extra early so you have time to curl your hair, contour your face, and make sure your new bag matches your outfit — the outfit you picked out two weeks ago when you went back to school shopping with your mom and spent an absurd amount of time in Forever 21. Sure, you’re wearing a dress and heels, and yes, you’ve taken “first day of college” Instagram pictures all morning. But hey, you have to look good at the start of the year, right?
Seniors: If you manage to emerge from your hungover coma today (to get food or more alcohol), chances are you won’t actually be wearing a bra. The normal “senior outfit” will consist of a recently obtained shack-shirt, yoga pants, sunglasses, and a general air of bitchiness. Your hair will still be gross from last night, which you’ll try to hide by throwing it up in a messy bun. Some may say that your attitude is due to the shots of Fireball you had last night, but you know the truth: it just comes with that senior status.
Freshmen: You arrive to class at least fifteen minutes early (you know what they say, “if you’re on time, you’re late”), and choose a seat front and center. You pull out your textbook, a binder, the printed out syllabus, and a few pens and pencils, and eagerly await the rest of the classes arrival. You take a selfie and caption it “first day of college lol” before turning off your phone to avoid interruptions.
Seniors: Lol. Class? During syllabus week? Nah. #Snooze
Freshmen: You spend a good hour getting ready for your first visit to the sorority house. You make sure to have the perfect hair, nails, and outfit in preparation to walk into the place you now get to call “home.” You anxiously text a few girls from your pledge class or your Bid Day buddy so you don’t feel weird about walking in alone. You sit in the car for a few minutes, trying to gather some courage, before putting on a fake, nervous smile and walking through the doors. As soon as you enter, sophomores and juniors (AKA “little hunters”) pounce on you to ask about your first day of school, compliment you, and suck up to you in every way possible. You try to stay relaxed and remember peoples’ names as they hand you gifts and invite you to hangout.
Seniors: You either live at the house, you slept on the couch at the house, or you literally have no intentions of going near the house any time soon. You can smell the desperation on the girls looking for littles and the anxiety on the new members. If you do grace them all with your presence, you’re sporting a “hungover chic” look (please see above) and you make no effort to woo the new girls. You already have a little. And a grand-little. So you grab some fried food, plop down on a couch, and try to drown out their over-excited voices.
Freshmen: This can either go one of two ways. You stay in, bond with your roommates or new sorority friends, and get a good night’s sleep in preparation for tomorrow’s classes. Or, you can go to a shitty college bar, get way too drunk off well vodka, throw up in the Arby’s parking lot, and wakeup for Tuesday’s classes with your first, of many, college hangovers.
Seniors: You will either hit up a college bar in frat tanks (because you no longer have to try as a senior), go to the nicer 21+ bars and get the number of a hot graduate student, or sneak alcohol into your sorority house and get drunk with your favorite exec members. No matter what, your activities involve making bad decisions and getting totally, completely, 100 percently “freshman drunk.”
Freshmen: You haven’t really noticed any of the boys (including the seniors who were trying to get into your pants last night) because you and your high school boyfriend are *meant to be.* Sure, he’s ten hours away at college, and yes, it will be hard. But you’re sure that this long distance will work because you were meant for each other, and you just know that you’re supposed to marry your high school sweetheart.
Seniors: You scroll through your contacts sending, “what r u doing 2night” texts to all of the guys in your hookup roster. If all of the magically got girlfriends over the summer, you’ll just pick a new guy out where ever you end up so you can complete your frat lap by the end of the year. You know, senior goals and whatnot.
Freshmen: You’ve never felt better about your recently (as in, today) declared major in Psychology, your relationship with your boyfriend, and everything that college has to offer. You know that everything will go just right, including finding the perfect big, getting a leadership position in your chapter, having a ring by your senior year spring, and getting a great job after graduation. You are totally confident that this is going to be the best four years ever.
Seniors: You honestly have no fucking idea what you’re going to do with your life. So, until your have to walk across the stage in May, you’re going to live it up, toss it back, and relish the fact that you have one more year to be totally irresponsible. College may go fast, but you’re going to milk it for everything it’s worth, because what you thought your freshman year is totally true: it really has been the best four years of your life..