Bobby Pins/Hair Tie
Such a small token of your presence, he might not even find it on the night stand on your side of the bed for weeks. No. Bobby pins aren’t meant for him. They’re meant for any other woman that may or may not be in his life. You’re territorial as hell, so you’re just trying to let other girls know they’re not alone, so they better watch their damn steps.
Eyelashes
You’re an attention whore. You left your eyelashes there because the idea of him jumping and screaming around his bathroom like a little girl when he sees them and thinks they’re giant black caterpillars delights you to your fucking core. You’ve gone back to the comfort of your own duvet, when he’s sitting around freaking out about your fake eyeball hair.
Underwear
You’re either brave, stupid, or kinky as hell — possibly a mixture of all three. I’m not sure, at the end of the day, there’s a pair of used underwear I’m comfortable leaving behind at a guy’s house for one simple reason. The point of underwear on dudes is so their balls aren’t swinging out in the open like a gross turkey’s neck.l For girls, it’s because we are literally leaking one hundred percent of the time, and need something to catch it. That’s just not the impression you want to leave.
Jewelry
A little risk-taker, you’re hoping he finds your jewelry and has the decency to try to return it to you. As this is likely a more expensive item to leave behind, it’s perfectly reasonable to swing by in an attempt to get your stuff back and if you just so happen to look amazing when you go back there, causing him to instantly fall in love with you, so be it. And if all else fails, perhaps your earring will puncture him in his sleep and he’ll bleed out.
Toothbrush
So, I guess you’re engaged? This is the only logical reason I can come up with for someone leaving a toothbrush behind at a guy’s house. It shouldn’t be serious. You should be able to leave a toothbrush at any dude’s house that you spend an extended period of time with, but that’s not the case. By leaving this behind, you’re just telling him that you own him now. Well done.
Your Scent
The ole spray-perfume-on-his-pillow-while-he’s-in-the-bathroom-so-he-spends-the-whole-next-day-remembering-you-because-he-can-literally-still-smell-you trick. Have I ever done this? No. But have I ever just thought about it? No, because I was lying before. I’ve absolutely done this. This is a batshit psychotic move, and I know this because I’m bathshit psychotic, and I’m pretty sure I invented it. They say smell is our most nostalgic sense, so I say forcing yourself into his memory hours or even days after you’re gone is sheer evil genius. If you do this, you should definitely seek professional psychological help, but you will also definitely get a callback.
Phone Charger
What the fuck are you doing with a guy who doesn’t have an iPhone? Swerve..
Image via Shutterstock
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
vmruckh
veronica@grandex.co
