What You Can Learn From Stalking Each Social Media Outlet

20 Signs You're An Actual Social Media Stalker

Social media has made it infinitely easier to find out information about most anyone. However, not all creeping can be treated equally, especially when it comes to guys. Each form of social media exposes a different element of him. Which means that when it is done right, you can build an image of the guy in your mind without ever needing to spend time with him.


Instagram is where you can find the best pictures of the guy, or at least what he thinks are the best pictures of himself. These are the photos you can show to your friends without prefacing it with, “he looks better in person, I swear.” Mentally note who he posts pictures of because those are the friends that he wants to be associated with most. If you know those friends, consider how they act because he will most likely act the same. If he posts pictures with a lot of different girls, then you don’t have to be an FBI detective to figure out he’s a player. Or Mr. Friendzone, depending on the guy. If he has more than 0 gym selfies, that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about him. Similarly, if he has more than 2 ironic hashtags and more than 0 unironic hashtags, that’s not a good sign. Captions that are a paragraph long means that he has a lot to say and he will make sure you know about it.


Tweets are a public display of his personality. Constant sports tweets tell you he’s an intense sports fan. Funny tweets tell you he has a good sense of humor. Subtweets tell you he’s a pussy. It’s pretty straightforward, except for when it comes to retweets. Those require further investigation. Accounts like @SexualGifs, @TheMeninist, and @WorldStarHipHop are a fuckboy’s paradise. Be cautious of what the tweets say because even though he didn’t write them, he agreed with them enough to put on his own page.


Facebook is where you can explore his past without having to pry for answers. Put a face to the names of girls he has mentioned in his past. Find that bitch that he went to prom with who he still seems to have a crush on (she’s not prettier than you, BTW). You can also take a journey through his transition from awkward teenager to slightly less awkward adult.


Find out what he is doing literally every waking second of the day. Analyze the background of his story to figure out if he’s really where he says he is. Reply chugs mean he’s frat AF and parties hard. Snaps of his pet mean he’s lonely. Selfies mean he thinks he’s prettier than you. Snapchat is pretty boring, but it’s nice to keep tabs on his every move. Hey, he’s doing it to himself.


If you’re creeping on LinkedIn, you’re doing it wrong. Don’t you know that it alerts him when you look at his page? But if you must, LinkedIn is where you can find how he wants to portray himself professionally. Any curiosity about where he works or has worked will be satisfied here. Check out his interests and skills that you can later reference to him and act like you had no idea that he also loved synergy as much as you. He’ll never know.

Now you’ll be able to know everything you want about your most recent love interest. And if he doesn’t have any social media, then dump him. What is he hiding? What are you going to do, get to know him? That’s insane.

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to or by smoke signal.

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