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What Your Favorite Reality TV Show Says About You

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We all have an addiction. Which one describes you?

Any Of The Real Housewives: You’re bored with the faux drama in your life (or lack thereof) and believe the only cure is to become a religious follower of seemingly unintelligent Bravolebrities. Watching women with unmovable faces struggle to figure out which Birkin to take to the grocery store makes you feel more down to earth, and it reassures you that there are people on this planet more psychotic than you. You’re definitely not afraid to tell others what you think and you probably value honesty more than keeping the peace. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, watching insanely rich people fight with each other about literally nothing is your TV equivalent of engaging in hate sex–you know it’s bad for you, but you just can’t stop. It’s that good.

“The Bachelor”: You have a tight group of girlfriends who love a night in with a comfy couch and a bottle of sparkling wine–AKA you’re a basic bitch. Kidding. But not really. Watching the initial 25 women come out of the limo for the first time rivals Christmas for you, which proves you love to judge people more than you love the idea of love. You’re the type of person who probably spends months at a time looking at inspirational quotes on Pinterest…and that might be low-balling it. You find yourself having trouble conversing with people who don’t watch the show, which freaks you out but also makes you feel strangely proud.

“Say Yes To The Dress”: Seeing people happy makes you happy and you’re pretty sure Randy/Monte is your spirit animal. You will never admit it out loud, but seeing some of the brides to be out there reassures you that yes, you are pretty enough to get married one day. Although you are a classy, classy lady, you will never shy away from a shot–or a shotgun. You have impeccable style, and you’re usually the first in your friend group to jump on a trend. You probably have every single detail of your wedding planned out to a T, even though you don’t have a boyfriend (and if you do, excuse me while I scowl).

“16 And Pregnant” Or “Catfish”: You have a special place in your heart for people who “meet” and “fall in love” with someone via Instagram or Twitter. By “special place in your heart,” I mean you get perverse joy out of seeing their plans fail miserably on national television. It provides you with a constant reminder that you are, in fact, going places in life. Despite wearing yoga pants in public way more than you probably should, you’re a lot prettier than you think you are. Along with giving you a huge self-esteem boost, watching these shows weirdly makes you want to wash your hands. Immediately.

“Keeping Up With The Kardashians”: There are two options here. Either A) You’re on the elliptical, in which case none of the following applies to you–keep it going girl! or B) You misplaced your life and you have no idea where to find it. You realize there is no other point to this show besides Scott Disick and his one-liners, yet Kris has already somehow implanted a secret chip into your brain to convince you otherwise. You think the measure of your worth is your number of Twitter followers minus the number of people you follow on Twitter.

All Reality TV Shows: You may or may not have a drinking problem.

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Drunk but not in love

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com

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