I often (like, every 30 seconds) fantasize about my future husband. His requirements include being tall and handsome, and falling in the same tax bracket as my father. I don’t toss out these characteristics willy-nilly–they have been carefully selected to ensure my life turns out like the fairytale I’ve planned. Every now and then, I daydream about getting my hands on a good looking professional athlete. Don’t judge me. We all do it. Here’s what your fantasy sport-playing husband says about you.
HOCKEY
Ahh, the rugged and damaged man–and by damaged, I mean he’s physically been scrambled a few times during a game. If you’re going for this guy, you’re the girl who goes for the sultry, mysterious type. Check for all teeth and a high IQ before you go down this road. The hottest NHL player right now is Mike Green from the Washington Capitals, and I’d certainly let him slap my puck.
SOCCER
David Beckham’s chiseled body is God’s gift to Earth, and we can overlook the drawback of him not being American since he’s packing abs and underwear modeling. If you’re into these athletes, you probably also have a dirty story with a foreign exchange student.
FOOTBALL
Playing football automatically makes you more attractive. Into these types of big balls? You’re into men who are all-American and all-player. Don’t get too attached, because he’s also scoring with several cheerleaders on the side.
BASEBALL
Nothing in the world compares to a man in baseball pants. America’s actual pastime should be watching those pants. Girls, if you’re cruising for a baseball player with a big bat, you’re playing it safe and definitely not walking on the wild side.
GOLF
Considering the limited number of professional golfers compared to other sports, you’re lucky if you can snag one of these dudes. Not into the macho man? Consider finding a golfer who’s long off the tee–he’s sure to not disappoint.
TENNIS
If you’re into the love game (See what I did there?) there’s an actual site for this. “Love at First Serve” will hook you up with your match partner. Ladies, if you’re attracted to the tennis playing type, he’s probably classy but he might weigh less than you.
VOLLEYBALL
He’s got longer, tanner legs than you and he knows it. He also might do drugs in his spare time, but who am I to judge? I would be more than happy to watch some shirtless abs playing beach volleyball as my ass sits in a lounge chair drinking my weight in alcohol. Into this type? Hope you can keep up with his constant need to spike you.
No matter what this says about you specifically, the point here is that athletes have a lot to offer the female population. I can’t really tell you any of the rules of these sports, but I can tell you I’m not keeping score when I watch these attractive gentleman strut around.
The up side of dating an athlete would be the obvious perks, such as constant fame, free team garb, and an unstoppable body. The down side would be the groupies and the pressure to keep yourself in top shape. I mean, I would work out a lot to actually date a pro-athlete! Just kidding, I wouldn’t. If you’re currently dating an athlete, raise your hand in pride. If you’re currently stalking an athlete who is way out of your league, raise your drink…then get drunk and make a fool out of yourself around all his teammates.
Check out the Rowdy Gentleman gear the Washington Nationals are rocking here.
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BlingleWhiteFemale
BlingleWhiteFemale (@BlingleWhiteFem) is a single blonde female who spends her days campaigning for First Lady. She is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.
@blinglewhitefem
