Dates: when a boy can lie to you, but the setting can’t. Where a boy takes you on a date and what the activities include are very essential to successfully judge a guy.
Concert
The boy who takes you to a concert doesn’t really care about conversation. He is either too awkward and has no clue how to talk to chicks, or he couldn’t give a shit less what you have to say. Luckily, if he is taking you to a concert, he at least wants you to have a good time. He will possess you to passionately swap spit without even having to communicate much. But don’t fret. If you give this lad a chance, you will notice there is more to him than meets the lips. By the end of the date, he will take you to a fast food restaurant and let the whiskey do the rest of the talking for him.
Meeting Up For Drinks
This one should speak for itself, but any guy who chooses to meet up for drinks just wants to keep his options open. He’s not looking for commitment anytime soon. Chances are you met on Tinder or Bumble. He will probably down two, or three, or six beers before switching to hard alcohol. From there, you’re going to hate your life. This loser won’t quit telling you lame stories about different nights when he absorbed unholy amounts of booze. And when he isn’t talking about himself, he will be glued to his smartphone. Once you get bored and decide to meet up with friends, he’s going to follow you around like a puppy anyway. Yet, by the end of the night he will be bumping and grinding on some other bitch he has bent over. Different guy, same right swipe date.
Zoo
Although this guy is lighthearted and playful, he’s no porn star. He will make sure you are in the front row for the lion show, but he won’t be king of the jungle in the bedroom. This boy is very comfortable with who he is, and all of his friends admire him for that. He will welcome you by giving you a string of compliments and a hug. In this predicament, you need to decide whether you prefer pillow talk to sexy time.
A Boat
His game sucks, which is why he’s trying to impress you with his trust fund. All he really has going for him is his resemblance to a participant in a political debate, fancy champagne, and a loaded bank account. Besides that, his personality is trash and he has a chode. He’s one hell of a conceited prick. His family name is more important to him than his GPA, and he will make a point to ensure you know that. He wants to impress you by showing you everything you could have if you “play your cards right.” And yes, he will actually use those words.
Sporting Event
WTF. Who even is this guy?! Does he have no respect for your estrogen?? Girls aren’t wired to drool over buff sweaty athletes flinging around a ball the way guys are. He needs approval from you BEFORE he takes you to any sporting event to make sure you actually enjoy sports. This boy is obviously clueless. He definitely doesn’t make Dean’s List. Instead, he’s wasting away his days and nights drinking beer with his bros at his frat castle while obnoxiously shouting some Lynyrd Skynyrd song. There’s no doubt his closet has at the very least three sports jerseys, all of which he only wears to make his scrawny body look more manly. He’s the kind of guy that you will constantly be fighting to remind him that you’re actually the boss of the relationship.
Putt-Putt Golf, Bowling, Or Any Other Date Involving Minor Physical Activity
Fuckin’ nerd. This dude has been watching one too many rom coms. He’s sweet and obviously trying hard. But could he get any cornier? This fellow is the cute geek in class that you can’t help but blush when he speaks up. He has an innocent vibe and is totally nervous around you. This kid will Snapchat you dorky faces day and night if that’s what it takes to make you smile. All he really wants is a next date. And if that doesn’t work out, a shot of scotch. That’s right. Golden Boy has a devilish side that he won’t reveal to you until you break his fragile heart.
Coffee Shop
Hipster. Hipster. Hipster. Besides you, his interests include gluten-free anything, Urban Outfitters, blogging, arguing that polka-dots are sophisticated pieces of art, sticking it to “The Man,” and washing his man bun with organic shampoo twice a week. Time how long it takes him to say his coffee order if you want any sort of humor during the date.
Dinner And A Movie
Homeboy didn’t put much thought into this date. Sure, this is considered a “classic” date. But regardless, he needs to step his game up if he wants to woo you. Either he is too shy and wants you to do all of the work, or he does this so often with other girls that he decided you’re just another trial. This man has a body and style that looks like a second-rate department store mannequin, and you can totally dig it. He’s pretty chill, and you can sense that he’s a book smart gent who gets pretty rowdy. His friends hold some form of bad influence power over him rather than him making his own mistakes. You might get bored of his lack of personality. He just follows the social norm and is totally cool with not putting thought into what he’s doing or wants to do.
Dancing
This boy is weird. Just straight up strange. His hair always looks like a shit storm and he could definitely use some Proactive. He does appear to be a nice guy though because his jokes are on point. Plot twist, he’s not that sweet guy you think he is. Any dude who wants to take you out dancing really just wants to get you to take tequila shots and then have you rub your ass on his boner when the DJ randomly blasts a rap song. There’s a high chance he will ghost you, and within a week he will hit on that girl in your chemistry class you copy off of.
Gets You Hangover Breakfast
It’s love. If he hasn’t ran out the door by the time you wake up, and instead takes the time to take you to get breakfast when you look like last night’s mistakes threw up on you, he’s a top-notch saint. Marry him.
Boys, boys, boys. Can’t live with them. Can’t live without (their free dates and boners) them..
Nice Move223
Respond
Kellie Stritz
Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.
@kelliestritz
@kelliemariestritz
Kelliemarieee
