What Your Manicure Says About You

What Your Manicure Says About You

Bare Nails
If there’s nothing on your nails right now, you’re probably one of three types of people: a “guy’s girl” (AKA tomboy), the kind of person that eats gluten-free and has been arrested for civil disobedience, or a girl taking a thousand credits and just plain hating life. The other girls just don’t get it when you turn on the football game, spend all day in the rain protesting, or lock yourself in your room for hours on end to study. But, you know what? You’re saving a ton of money by skipping manicures, and your bank account is totally okay with that.

Chipped Polish
You are the everyday girl just trying to do your thing and let others do theirs. You straightened your hair before class and attempted a subtle contour, which you are rocking by the way. And last night, you tried this new “foolproof manicure” method provided by some preppy blogger who, turns out, probably knows nothing on the topic because look who already has a chip! No matter how many layers of base coat, top coat, glitter, and gypsy magic you apply, your nails will. Always. Chip. Maybe one day you’ll switch to a professional manicure, but until then you’ll be spending every last cent at Forever 21 and brunches with the girls.

French Manicure or Nude Nails
Either you are in your cousin’s wedding next weekend or you are bonafide basic. You are the rose gold of iPhones, the pumpkin spice of lattes, the nude palette of eyeshadows. You go to pumpkin patches and apple orchards in the fall. You wear a sparkly dress every New Year’s Eve. You spring break with your *betches* at whatever beach is actually still welcoming college kids these days. Despite all the hate against basics, you continue on hairflipping off the shade and retweeting every mildly funny tweet about white girls.

Stiletto Nails
If you are rocking these pointy fingertips, there’s a good chance your level of fierce is all the way to Nicki Minaj at the VMAs. Stiletto nail haters, WHAT’S GOOD? Your goal is to be the next #girlboss everyone is talking about. And, who knows, maybe one day you’ll make an appearance in a Beyoncé music video because you’re such good friends.

Super Long Nails
You take “crazy cat lady” to a whole new level. If you have these nails, chances are you’re planning a feline halloween costume, testing an alternative to carrying around pink mace, or a complete psycho. I say psycho mostly because I have no clue how you survive without being able to open a can of Diet Coke. Most of us would die in under a day, so kudos. Oh, and good luck typing that paper. You’ll need it.

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to [email protected]

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