A few weeks ago, I found myself mindlessly wandering through Target, with the intention of finding deodorant and high-tailing it out of there before I could get sucked into the cavern of consumerism. But alas, as I wandered down the wrong aisle, I saw a beacon of light shine down upon the crown jewel of supermarkets: the nail polish. Throughout my entire life, I have been a sucker for nail polish. I have bags upon bags of the stuff, but I always seem to find more colors to buy. After being drawn again to the tower of polish, it finally dawned upon me what, exactly, keeps me coming back for more. It’s not the color themselves per se, but the creative (read: cheesy) names that come along with them. I have about five shades of red, but I am still not convinced that Toast of the Town is different from Rubies Are A Girl’s Best Friend. That being said, I also think that nail polish reveals a lot about your personality. So, here’s what your nail polish says about you – realistic names and all.
Blue Job
Now, I’m not trying to say that wearing blue nail polish makes you a slut, but I am saying that there may be a positive correlation between the two. After all, where do you think the term “blue balls” really came from? But just like blue is a bold color, so is the type of girl who wears it.
Orange You Glad I Got A Spray Tan?
Orange nails, in my opinion, are the close cousin of the blue nails. They are a hard look to pull off, and usually make the wearer look a little less than classy. Chances are that if you wear orange nail polish, you’ll be prone to having a bad spray tan all times of the year. You are also at risk for having an abnormal hair color, and you can usually be found in a fraternity at all times of the day. Beer bong in hand, of course.
Nauti and Nice
Navy nail polish became a huge trend a few seasons back, and I myself even bought a few different shades. The big bonus here is that you can fool people into thinking you are way edgier than you actually are. If you wear the navy nail polish, you may also own a pair of lace-up black boots, a choker, and shredded jeans. But don’t be conned here – these girls will go running home to their sundresses come summer.
“2008 Wants Their Nail Polish Back” Pink
Pink polish can be a classy affair, depending on the shade. But there is always one girl who misses the mark just a little bit, picking out a shade that looks good in the bottle but actually burns your retinas out once applied. A girl wearing this retro shade of pink is probably confused, tends to get wine drunk and call her ex, and usually will refer to people by the wrong name. Overall, she has good intentions, but lacks in the execution of her plans.
Classy-As-Fuck Nude
If you’re ever trying to locate a basic sorority girl, look no further than her nails. The type of girl with a nude manicure is overly obsessed with her reputation, so much so that she labors over her manicure on a weekly basis. But don’t let her perfect nail polish fool you – this girl can throw down when needed. No worries, though, because she’ll do damage repair very quickly. On her nails, I mean.
Grandma Grey
Grey, just like navy nails, came into trend a few seasons ago. But if you still find yourself wearing the color, you may be a bit slow on the uptake. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, however. While grey is not super popular anymore, it has become the new classic and conservative look. This type of girl can be found reading a book, baking cookies, and living a relatively tame life. Bonus points if she has blue hair and ten cats.
From now on, hopefully you can gain a little insight into people just by a quick glimpse at their nails. And now that you are properly educated, feel free to pick your own poison. I mean, polish..
Nice Move238
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PSLsandPearls
PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at PSLandPearlsTSM@gmail.com (note the single PSL).
@PSLsandPearls
