More telling than your horoscope and a better judgment of character than your Facebook wall covered in dick joke e-cards — check to see what your favorite nail color says about you.
Sweetie, you’re not old money, no matter how many dudes with Roman numerals attached to their names you take home from the bar.
Meet Me At Sunset
Congratulations, you found a nail polish as cheerful and as batshit crazy as you are. Look at this hue as warning flashers for your nails.
Topless & Barefoot
Barely there–just how you like it. The soft, nuanced color helps you blend in with your surroundings as you swoop in to steal someone else’s man.
Wife Goes On
As in, “My wife goes on, and on, and on, and on, and before you know it, I’ll attempt to hang myself in the Ikea cafeteria.”
My Voice Is A Little Norse
Sparkly, silver, and holiday-centric, this bedazzling shade helps distract from the blatant alcohol abuse that stems from your seasonal depression.
7th Inning Stretch
With a deep hue that reflects off the nails, an evil yet glamorous sorceress would totally dig it. Get it as a stocking stuffer for your big.
Can’t decide on a color? How about a bunch of them jumbled together with glitter? It’s just like your ever-shifting personality and mood swings!
Chillin’ Like A Villain
The quintessential nude shade, you just DGAF and want something that goes with everything. Who has time to match colors with outfits? What is this, communist Russia?
Gray, like the muted night. Gray, like the not quite frozen tundra of your heart. Gray, like the apathetic depths of your soul during finals week. Bonus: a sophisticated shade that goes with your cold weather wardrobe.
Hopefully named after the headband-wielding gossip queen herself, this shade will do in a New York minute. It resembles the hue of a fine, boxed wine–much like the one sitting next to your bed.
You tremble as you click send, watching your iMessage catapult itself across space to his iPhone. You keep watching the screen for his read receipt but it just sits there, like an unopened message in a bottle. You turn a frustrated shade of purple, much like this one.
People keep saying that teal is the color of the season. You’re not positive who declared this statement or for what reason, but it was the closest shade to you on your nightstand and one thing’s for sure–you’re not leaving your bed until it is absolutely necessary..