This Résumé Will Get You No Jobs And Zero Callbacks, But It’s Absolutely Perfect

This Resume Will Get You No Jobs And Zero Callbacks, But It's Absolutely Perfect

It may only be October, but it will soon be formal season, then the holiday season, then the new year. Then comes a laundry list of holidays that are complete bullshit, but you’ll still use them as an excuse to dress up. Next thing you know, it will be graduation and the only thing you’ll have done to prepare for your career is pick out an outfit for your campus’s job fair, which, to be fair, is a pretty excruciating task. When the time finally comes to set down the books and start a “big girl job,” you’re going to have absolutely no idea where to start. You’ll spend most of your time googling things like “how to be a functioning adult,” and “are rompers considered business professional?” It’s going to be awful. Luckily, TSM can see into your postgrad future. We’d love to assist you in writing a résumé that will get you no jobs and zero callbacks–if nothing else, it’s brutally honest, which employers may appreciate.


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Babe Lincoln

Babe Lincoln (@Babe__Lincoln) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and spends the majority of her time knocking back Franzia and introducing herself as "the female Johnny Manziel."

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