Women get a bad rap for being crazy. Sure, there are some legitimately crazy girls out there, but for the most part when a guy calls a girl crazy it’s a gross overreaction. In my opinion, it’s guys who are actually textbook crazies. Sure, you don’t suspect it at first, but some of the biggest, most insane freakouts I’ve ever experienced were from fraternity guys.
Yes, you read that right. The guys who pride themselves on not giving a fuck about anything have a whole boatload of crazy buried deep down inside. I’m not talking about a little canoe either; I’m talking about Jay Z and Beyonce’s yacht full of crazy. Don’t believe me? Well your “This bitch texted me twice in a row!!! She’s so crazy!!” story is about to get shown the fuck up.
My friend and sorority sis, we’ll call her Jessica, is legitimately one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen in person. She is also one of the coolest people ever. Some bitches just get everything, don’t they? It’s important to remember these things as the story progresses to understand how one person could drive a grown man to the level of crazy that was achieved in this instance. Jessica, unsurprisingly, always has a string of guys that are in love with her. Almost all of these guys accept the fact that they don’t have a chance with her and settle for just being friends. All of them, that is, except for “Connor.”
Connor is your typical SEC fratstar. He’s tall, good-looking, funny, and an all-around nice guy. These two met several years back at a party she went to with her now ex-boyfriend of a million years. Connor has always been a ladies man, and he could’ve had any girl he wanted…except for Jessica. Jessica flirted with him a little when she and her boyfriend were fighting, but she thought it was all harmless fun.
Connor seemed normal enough when I first met him over the summer. He, Jessica, and a few friends came to campus to hit up some day parties that weekend. He was very nice to all of Jessica’s friends, so when we heard he was secretly planning to come to town as a surprise for Jessica’s birthday, we were all on board. “What a nice friend,” we thought, “willing to fly in to celebrate Jessica’s 21st like that!” It wasn’t until later that we saw the storm coming. Slowly he started to show his interest in Jessica. At first it was normal. Texting and calling more and more, liking everything she put on Facebook, tweeting at her all the time, and what have you. As Jessica’s birthday neared, his technological affection went into overdrive. He started to text her constantly, regardless if she responded or not. We were all starting to get a little concerned that this trip wasn’t friendly at all, especially Jessica’s best friend, “Abby.”
Abby made the executive decision to tell Jessica about Connor’s surprise. Jessica was none too thrilled about this trip, but it was too late to tell him to cancel his tickets. She decided she’d put a brave face on and deal with the situation as delicately as she could while he was in town. It was only three and a half days, how bad could it be? Besides, he had other friends in town. Surely the sole purpose of this trip wasn’t to come to town and profess his love for her, and to convince her to feel the exact same way, and for them to live happily ever after forever and ever and ever! Right? RIGHT?! Oh how she was sorely mistaken.
DAY 1
Connor flew in on a Thursday and the birthday festivities began that evening at Jessica’s apartment. The pregame for 6th Street was going well, but Connor started to drink a little too much. I’m sure he was nervous and feeling sort of awkward since he didn’t really know that many people there, but he took it to a bit of an extreme. After pounding way too many drinks (keep in mind we were still pre-gaming), he proceeded to start vomming in Jessica’s bathroom. Normal enough, right? We’ve all had to puke and rally at one point in our lives. Normally not around 8:00pm, but whatever!
That’s not how Connor felt though. He started crying. Yeah…
He was furious with himself for ruining his “cool guy” image in front of Jessica, and for embarrassing himself in front of “everyone.” In reality, only Jessica, Abby, and Jessica’s roommate, Tracy even knew what was going on, but that didn’t matter to crying crazy pants.
Now, before we proceed, I don’t want to see any “fratstars” in the comments section declaring that Connor is an aberration, and saying things like, “What a little bitch, I didn’t even cry when I came out of the womb! I did a frat point at my dad and then gave the nurse double finger pistols!” If we’re being real here, any guy is capable of this kind of crazy. It just takes the right situation, and right amount of booze, to bring it out.
By the time we hit 6th Street, we all tried to pretend like we didn’t know what happened at the pre-game. Connor, of course, was making every attempt to touch Jessica. Jessica, naturally, was ignoring Connor and trying to make the most of her 21st birthday. Seriously, she couldn’t have made it more obvious that she wasn’t into this guy. Jessica assumed he would stay with one of his guy friends that night, but even after striking out countless times, Connor was determined to make it happen. He pretty much followed Jessica home. When she told him he could sleep on the couch, he assumed she meant bed. When he tried to make yet another move, his attempts romance were met with a stone wall. Jessica rolled toward the wall and said a very firm “Goodnight, Connor.” One would think a guy would give up after this point, but this motherfucker was persistent.
DAY 2
Everyone spent the majority of Friday recovering, and after sufficient amounts of rest, Advil, and greasy food, the group rallied for 6th Street Round 2. We all assumed Connor would lay low the next two nights he was in town, but we underestimated the dude’s determination to win his prize. Instead of going directly for “hit on Jessica over and over” as his main strategy, he chose to talk to the best friend. Abby is also one of my best friends in my sorority. Homegirl is awesome, fun, and doesn’t bullshit anyone, especially if she has a BAC anywhere over 0.01. If you want brutal honesty, ask her something when she’s drunk. Connor wasn’t aware of Drunk Abby’s nature, and foolishly sought her advice. At this point, Connor should’ve been coddled and treated like the vulnerable little emotional lamb he had devolved into. Abby took a different road. According to her, the conversation went like this:
Connor: Abby, I think I’m in love with Jessica!
Abby: NO!
A seemingly normal fratstar had convinced himself he was in love with a girl that he had only been around while she was in a relationship, and who had only harmlessly flirted with him once or twice.
Abby tried to talk Connor off the ledge and told him he was not actually in love with Jessica, and that Jessica would never reciprocate these feelings. Instead of accepting this fact and trying to salvage his friendship with Jessica, he chose to freak out on everyone. He even went so far as to bitch Jessica out for not liking him.
DAY 3
Unfortunately, Connor’s heartbreak tirade didn’t end on Friday night. He was extremely upset about the outcome of the SEC Championship Game, and in a fit of rage he had yet another freakout. When Abby, Jessica, and Tracy tried to calm him down, he started yelling at everyone, told the group to fuck off, and then ran away. On 6th Street. In a city he had only been to once. Keep in mind that this isn’t just a small, college town. As awesome as Austin is, some shady people come out at night. He found himself in a seedy part of downtown, fending off homeless drug addicts, and ended up having to pay $100 for a cab ride back to another friend’s apartment. He still blames everyone else for this. He also sent Abby a LONG text informing her that he wouldn’t give up on Jessica and that he refused to believe that Jessica didn’t feel the same way about him.
EPILOGUE
Sunday was awkward for everyone, especially Jessica. As she drove him to the airport, he apologized and tried to let her know he still felt very strongly for her. She told him she didn’t feel the same way. Again. He continued to incessantly contact for awhile. In fact he is only now, months later, starting to realize that Jessica will never be a possibility for him.
Girls can get crazy too, don’t get me wrong. You can’t mix open emotions and wine on a regular basis without having some incidents. But the craziest people I’ve ever encountered are normal seeming, frattastic, college guys. Every guy has plenty of crazy buried way down where they think it’ll never come out. But when a guy is used to getting whomever he wants, whenever he wants her, that’s a sure sign there’s crazy-a-brewin’. When he’s faced with rejection, he will not react well.
Connor is not an exception, he is a prime, albeit extreme example of what happens when a guy loses touch with reality and likes a girl a little too much. So don’t let a guy fool you into thinking that you’re the crazy one, because chances are he has a freakout that will make your Franzia-induced drunk dial look like child’s play.
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