Our society puts a lot of emphasis on “your first time.” To be totally honest, I’m not sure why we do that. I mean, we don’t think back to our first blow jay, our first DFMO, or even the first time we orgasmed as much. But the first time we dim the lights, strip the pants, and come genital-to-genital with someone else is a big. effing. deal. And while everyone’s first time is special and different and blah blah blah, where you did it is a different story. Chances are you lost it at one of these places, and chances are it says more about you than you think.
The Car
You, my sexual friend, were the definition of high school. Carefree and fun, you loved a little adventure and being a little reckless. Maybe you just got caught in the heat of the moment and couldn’t wait or you wanted to honor your favorite pre-college past time (making out in the backseat of your boyfriend’s older sister’s hand-me-down car) by going ~all the way~ in his “ride.” You were serious about the big V, but either too horny or too lazy to plan something special. You’re a bit of a basic bitch, but you’re so laid back, no one really minds. While you like to live a little dangerously, you don’t do it to the extent that it’s actually bad. You’ll pretend to be drunk and text your ex even though you’re stone cold sober, or you’ll order a basket of onion rings, even though you’re totally on a diet. Bad bitch, amiright?
One Of Your Beds
Maybe it was planned out on a weekend your parents went out of town. Maybe you skipped school or maybe it was during a party. No matter the situation, losing it in one of your beds proves that you have a little bit of sentiment in you. You wanted to be in a safe place that you felt comfortable, and what better location than your childhood bed? There’s something about entering the adult world of penetration while Mr. Snuggles, the stuffed dog you had since you were born, watched from the shelf. You’re the type of person to keep movie stubs and screen shots of text messages long after they should have been tossed. Chances are you remember the date you lost it, and sometimes you still stalk the guy on social media, even though you haven’t actually talked in three years. What? You just like the memories, okay?
Parents’ Bed
You’z a bad bitch. For some reason, you bypassed your bed (that was right down the hall, mere feet away from your bed of choice) and went to your parents’ resting place. Maybe it was your anti-establishment persona or the facial piercing that you got (and was forced to immediately remove) but for your first time, you wanted to be rebellious. Odds are that rush gave you a taste of the world of strange sex, and you’re the person entertaining all of your prudish friends with stories from your sexual adventures. You’ve done it places people didn’t even know was possible, and you still get a rush out of maybe getting caught. Samantha, anyone?
Couch
Even in high school, you were soooo chill about sex. Losing your virginity didn’t seem like a big, live-changing event for you, but more of something you wanted to do in passing. It wasn’t totally planned out, and the family cat may or may not have been watching. Your relationship with the guy was laid back, and something as trivial as the lack of music or having the perfect lighting didn’t even cross your mind. If you don’t have a boyfriend now, you probably have a few guys you can call up when you have that itch that needs to be humped. And cuddling after? Not a necessity for you. At all.
Some Sort Of Table
You decided early on that you were going to be the anti-romantic. You didn’t want rose petals or to hold each other all night while you talked about your futures. Your hormones were raging and your body was a-talking. Maybe you saw it in a movie and knew that’s the way you wanted it, but when the right guy and the right pool table came along, you knew it was meant to be. You’re not afraid of branching out and trying something, or someone new and you jump up to situations that make most people cower away. You’d hate on the people who call you a bad bitch, but you can’t because they’re so right.
Hotel On Prom Night
Even in the young world of high school, waiting until prom night means something. You kept your legs closed and your morals tight to get to this big day. So even though your boyfriend spent an absurd amount of money on your ticket, your limo, your corsage, and your alcohol, you also made him shell out $100 plus for a fancy AF hotel room. And he did it, of course, because high school boys will still do things that college boys wouldn’t dream of. Were there rose pedals? Yes. Did he have fifty pre-lit candles just waiting for you? For sure. Did this set unrealistic expectations for the rest of your sex life? You know it. It’s not your fault you know what you like.
Still Waiting For It
Be it for religious reasons, personal reasons, or you just haven’t found The One you want to go to pound town with, you’re the token virgin of the group. Sure your friends tease you, and sometimes you wonder if you should have done it already. Despite your virginal status, however, you don’t shy away from the cool things in life, and deep down you know the truth — the joke’s on the rest of them because you get to pick the perfect way to have your first time, and to you, that’s worth waiting for.
But no matter how you lost it (or will lose it), let’s all be thankful that like cheese and wine, penetration just keeps getting better with age..
Image via Youtube
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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