It’s finally date party season! It’s time to search everyone’s closet for the perfect dress, grab the self-tanning lotion, scour through Pinterest for the perfect hair and makeup combo, and last but not least, find a date. Unless you have a boyfriend, this can be a daunting task. Asking a boy out is still as weird now as it was when you asked the cute boy in seventh period math class to your high school’s Sadie Hawkins dance. Have no idea who to ask? Well, you are in luck! As I have never had the luxury of having an obvious choice for a date, I have mastered the game of finding the perfect guy for date parties in any situation.
Situation: I am single as fuck and the only guy who texts me is my dad.
You should get set up. The optimal situation is getting set up with someone who is friends with your best friend’s date. Your friend will probably be happy that you’re bringing someone who can help entertain her date, especially if he doesn’t have a bunch of friends going. She won’t have to babysit all night, and you get a date: win-win. Getting set up is usually not stressful, since there are low expectations. You run the risk of him being a weirdo, but hopefully your friends know better than that. But who knows? It could go really well and you two could hit it off.
Situation: I just started talking to someone but I don’t know if I should bring him.
Just face the music. If you’re not going to do it now, you’re going to have to do it sometime. If you are talking to someone and starting to like him, then you have nothing to lose by inviting him. If you don’t want to bring him, that should be a clear sign that maybe you need to stop talking. If he finds out you have a date party and that you didn’t ask him, he will most likely be salty, think you aren’t interested in him, and move on. I would say just ask him and see how the date party goes!
Situation: My boyfriend just broke up with me. Who the fuck am I going to bring?
You want to make him jealous by hearing how much fun the date party was, what an amazing date you were, and how hot you looked, so definitely bring one of your ex’s friends. This might be ruthless, but that’s what he gets for breaking up with you right before a date party. If the friend is hesitant to come because your ex is “his boy,” just tell him that you didn’t expect to have to find a date, you aren’t ready to put yourself out there, and blah, blah, blah. He will definitely understand and think he is doing both you and his friend a favor. As an added bonus, bring a friend with deep pockets who will keep a drink in your hand all night.
Situation: I just broke up with my boyfriend and the only guys I know are his friends.
Your friends need to come together and present all the hottest single guys they know. Then you can pick one and your friends will set you up. You can’t bring one of your ex’s friends in this case because you were the one who broke it off. They will probably be less understanding and compassionate toward you. You still need to show your ex that you are doing fine without him and nothing does that better than an Instagram post the next morning showing off your date with the caption, “Had so much fun with this guy last night!”
Situation: I am casually hooking up with someone and don’t know if it would be weird.
It will probably be weird. If you two don’t ever talk when the sun is out or when you’re sober, then a date party might not be the optimal time to start. If he treats you like a slampiece, you need to show him you have other options. If you don’t have another person in mind, bring one of your guy friends, the cute guy you met out last Thursday (for spontaneity), or get set up.
Situation: The only males I interact with on the daily have either friend zoned me or vice versa.
If you don’t have any other prospects in sight, just suck it up and take a friend. You know you two will have a really good time and there will be minimal stress. Because you two interact every day, he probably knows all of your friends and will be a really fun addition to the group. Also, if your friends don’t have dates, his friends could be the source of the setups.
Situation: The guy I want to take doesn’t know I exist.
Time to man up and just talk to him. The next time you see him, muster up the courage to introduce yourself. A really easy way to start a conversation with a complete stranger is if you see him waiting to order a drink at the bar. Stand next to him, and after a little time, say something about how slow the service is and that it’s impossible to get a drink. Everyone thinks this about bars and bartenders, so it won’t sound forced. More likely than not, if the bartender goes to him first, he will ask you what you want and order it for you. Bingo! An easy and great way to get to talking. If that doesn’t work, just drop your pen and hit him with the bend and snap. Works every time.
Situation: My friend keeps pressuring me to take her boyfriend’s best friend’s really horny virgin cousin (or someone along those lines).
Say no. Just don’t put yourself through it, because you know you will run away from him all night. Still be open to taking one of her boyfriend’s friends, but do the Facebook stalking and approve him first.
Situation: I have a boyfriend but he can’t come.
Your best bet to avoid any sort of fight or tension about bringing another guy is to bring your gay best friend. End of story.
Situation: I want to bring the hot guy I have been flirting with from class but I don’t know if I should.
This can be really great and fun, but just remember, if you black out and embarrass yourself, you will have to see him every day and relive all the shame. Unless you literally give zero fucks, maybe wait until after your class is over to bring him as your date to an event..