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Why Being Pretty, Skinny, And Tall Actually Sucks

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It is no secret that every girl wishes she had the body of a model. We fawn over women in magazines and movies who have flawless bone structure, long, lean legs, and size 0 waists. We spend hours on the elliptical just to lose an extra pound, and we spend even more time in front of our mirrors every day trying to perfect our powdered faces and make sure our butts don’t look too big in those skinny jeans. Well, ladies, I have some news for you. Being pretty, skinny, and tall isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Being pretty can be nice. You will always look good in pictures, and you will never be dateless to formals or socials. However, I’ve discovered three real downsides of being pretty. First, everyone is ALWAYS telling you that you’re pretty–not just pretty but really beautiful. And you can’t even thank them, because of the whole “So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?” It’s just like, can we talk about something else, please? It gets old, and the words begin to lack value to you. In fact, you start to hate when people tell you this, and you may even cry a few times because you are JUST. TOO. PRETTY. Second, men never leave you alone. Anytime you walk into a classroom, a frat house, a bar, or your internship at the law firm run by creepy old men, guys are all over you like you’re the new issue of Sports Illustrated. Trying to date a guy from your favorite frat? I bet you won’t even get to talk to him because all of his brothers will try their hardest to snatch you up first. Trying to cram for your midterm tomorrow? Don’t even try studying in public–you’re just too much of a distraction to the male species. Going out for girls’ night? That’s a joke. How can you have girl’s night when every guy wants to take you home? This brings me to my third point: every girl hates you. They envy your looks, your locks, your body, and all the extra attention you receive. Eventually, your best friend will black out in your arms crying because she’ll never be as pretty as you. #awkward

Being skinny can also be nice. You always look great for spring break, and skinny jeans are totally your thing. What sucks about being skinny is that you have NO boobs. Yes, you look proportioned, but you always wish your boobs could be just a tad (or a ton) bigger. Fuck metabolism. No matter how many Bombshell bras you buy, sooner or later Victoria’s secret is going to get out. You also have to participate in absolutely EVERYTHING. Anything that involves your sorority making a public debut on campus somehow requires your attendance, because you’re, like, so skinz: “Philanthropy event at the pool! Better get your bikini out!” “It’s time for recruitment! Hope those heels are comfy!” “We’re taking this picture for the newsletter. Can you stand up front?” Like, enough already. I’m tired.

Finally, being tall is nice, too. But only if you play sports. Otherwise, being tall kind of sucks all around. Short dresses look even shorter on you, pants are never quite long enough, and the majority of men feel dominated by you. Everyone tells you, “Oh, I wish I was tall!” or, “OMG you make me feel so short!” You know you’re the real loser in this battle. While you watch all of your one-size-fits-all friends date any sized guy they please, you know you are restricted to a certain gene pool of tall, gangly men. Like, gross.

So the next time you’re hanging out with the model of your sorority, realize that there’s no real difference between you two. You’re both smart, sweet, and confident, and that’s what really makes you beautiful.

Image via NY Daily News

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to premed.donna.tsm@gmail.com.

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