My explore feed on Instagram is full of bikini models and makeup artists. Pretty much any person that would make me feel insecure about myself is what pops up every twenty minutes when I’m bored with everyone and anything around me. My addiction, is watching makeup tutorials on the ‘Gram. Not any makeup tutorials, strictly contouring videos. I’ve watched so many contouring videos I could write a “Contouring For Dummies” book faster and easier than when I copy somebody’s homework. The issue, however, is that no matter how many contour videos I watch, it still never looks right when I do it. It looks like a hot mess, actually.
I get the basic premise, dark where you want some shadows, brighten to make you not look dead, etc. But no matter how many lines I put under my cheekbones and dots I put on my forehead, I still never look like the girls in the Instagram videos. In fact, I only end up looking like the girls who dress up as deer for Halloween.
I’ve learned the hard way that there is a fine line between perfectly contoured and clown face, but these Instagramers make it look so simple. WHY IS IT NOT THAT SIMPLE!? Their bronzed cheekbones look flawless and natural. My bronzed cheekbones look like Nicole Richie circa 2001. Their highlight looks, yet again, flawless and natural. My highlight looks like I’m about to go to a Ke$ha concert. Not to mention, highlighter is literally, eyeshadow. Why am I spending $45 on a highlight palette when I literally have the exact same sparkle shade in my $65 eyeshadow palette? Anyway. Their blush makes them look sophisticated. My blush makes me look like I am auditioning for “Toddlers and Tiaras.” And the worst part, when you try to fix it, you just end up caking it on. Feeling like a cake face. Looking like a cake face. Never wanting to put on makeup again and contemplating squirting icing all over your face because at this point, your face is a cake.
I have spent hours trying to perfect the contour before a night out. I don’t dress up that often, so when I do, I want to go all out. I want to look fifteen to twenty pounds lighter. And how do I do that when I can’t FaceTune my arms in real life? Contour the pounds right off my face. You get done, thinking you look fierce AF, that is until, you walk into different lighting. *Ohh shitttttttt, not blended enough.* You think to yourself even though you have practically rubbed your makeup brushes down to sandpaper from so much blending. No matter what you do, you won’t win. You’ll look different in every room you enter. And just when you think you’ve perfected your ungodly unnatural makeup look, you’ll meet up with your boyfriend for dinner and you’ll hear those words that can spark your inner rage enough to killl..
“You’re wearing too much makeup.”
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