Why Drunk-Crying Is The Best Therapy

Why Drunk Crying Is The Best Therapy

Most schools have a counseling center where students can go to pour their hearts out to a therapist, who will listen and more than likely offer advice that pretty much sucks. For some people, this is might be great. In the grand scheme of things, however, my problems are pretty trivial. I admit that. Still, if someone buys the same dress for formal as I did, I’m going to bitch about it and momentarily believe it’s the end of the world. I’d rather not have some middle-aged lesbian judge me while I cry over the excruciating details of my life. Therapy just doesn’t seem like the appropriate place to discuss whether or not you should go a shade blonder, even if it is a really difficult decision that will affect the next few weeks of your life.

This is what best friends are for. It’s no secret that we tend to talk to each other about the same things over and over, until we have peace of mind. It’s normal, and it’s great, but if one of your top five activities is complaining, you can kind of tell that even though your besties love you and would do anything for you, they’re not always dying to pay attention to another bitching session.

Bring in the wine. Of course, a bottle of white on a Wednesday is a truly cathartic experience by its own right, but in terms of having your bitching session needs met, it works wonders. Suddenly, your friends are so much more empathetic. The magical bitching potion works its magic, you start crying, and then all of your friends start crying too. Not only are they not annoyed by the fact that you’ve literally been complaining about your ex-hookup’s new girlfriend for a week, but your problems actually become theirs. A bond forms between you that just could not happen without the mediating help of alcohol.

Drunk crying is literally the best meditation. When you’re trying to soberly express yourself to your friends, you don’t want to seem irrational, so your bitching is restrained. You just don’t get to say all that you want to say. It’s not the satisfying, therapeutic experience that it’s meant to be. When you have a nice wine drunk going, you can get right to the heart of the problem without the limitations that social norms ordinarily force upon you. You can just get it all out at once, and then you’re all good.

Of course, it’s important that these drunken crying sessions remain absolutely within the circle of your closest friends. You can’t be a total drunk mess in public, because, well, because it’s mortifying. You need to absolutely trust the girls you cry to. It should be the exact same girls you’re there to comfort when the situation is reversed, especially because you don’t want anyone to have too much dirt on you (and if you don’t know the importance of keeping enough ammunition to take people down, you’re probably a boy).

So, seriously, next time you’re stressed or upset about something stupid, just remember that like most other things, crying hysterically for no reason is better drunk.


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Things_That_Sparkle (@SparkleThatTSM) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.

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