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Why “Good,” Amicable Breakups Are Actually The Worst Ones

Why Good, Amicable Breakups Are Actually The Worst Ones

Falling in love is like nothing else in the world. There’s a reason why there are so many tearjerker movies, heart-wrenching books, and T.Swift songs dedicated to it. It is, without a doubt, an all-encompassing emotion. Being in love makes your days brighter, your nights more magical, and the world a more beautiful place. Those who find it become obsessed with it, and they let everyone else know just how #blessed they are (much to everyone else’s dismay). While taking a leap of faith to give your heart to someone is terrifying, sometimes, it works out. Every now and again, the stars align, fate is on your side, and you truly get a happily ever after.

But most of the time, you don’t.

A lot of times, things fall apart. It’s just how the world works. It could be because he was a cheating asshole who deserves nothing good for the rest of his life. Or maybe, when you evaluated your relationship, you realized that after all the fights, different preferences, and opposing moral views, it just couldn’t work. Or it could be that, quite possibly, all you had in common was sex. Even though it sucks, you could sort of see it coming.

But maybe that’s not how it was. Maybe you two were perfect together. Maybe he made you laugh so hard your sides would hurt, and your disagreements never seemed to stick. He would buy you flowers when you were sad, and you would cook dinner for him when he aced that test he studied his ass off for. You two were the definition of “perfect,” and honestly, you didn’t even need to plan out the future because you couldn’t imagine a future without him in it. Then, one day, life happened. It could have been because different schools accepted your applications, someone received a job offer across the country, or maybe you just weren’t ready for the type of commitment that comes with love. So, with heavy hearts, you hugged, wished each other well, and headed your separate ways.

Excuse me while I sob into my ice cream.

Breakups in general are the actual devil, but the breakups that end on good terms? Those are the ones that really test the soul and break your spirit. I mean, come on, there’s a reason that every love story makes you cry like you’re in your third trimester. It’s the heartbreak that makes the passion seem so strong. It’s incredibly difficult to walk away from someone who gave you absolute joy. In some cases, it’s almost easier to leave a partnership when the relationship went up in flames, as opposed to parting ways civilly. When you do, you can’t help but wonder what if? You beat yourself up, wondering whether or not you made the right choice.

When you talk to friends and family, they insist it’s great that you walked away with no hard feelings. And sure, it’s easy for people to say, “it’s good, because someday you can be friends and maybe he’ll be in your life forever and blah, blah, blah,” but come on. When it comes down to it, it is fucking agony.

There’s nothing you can do to feel better, but you will get through it. Appreciate the fact that there are actual, good humans out there, and that you were lucky enough to hang out with one for a bit. Learn from that relationship and apply it to your next one–because yes, you will have a next relationship, even though right now you think you’re going to die alone. Above all else, know that you made the right choice. There will be more love, more relationships and more perfect people in your life. One day you’ll wake up and be able to smile at the memories, and then you’ll realize why your relationship didn’t work out.

If all else fails, wine helps. A lot.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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