A few weeks ago I told you why he (probably) is ghosting you. My home girl can’t get a text back to save her life and it’s driving her bananas in pajamas. It’s a shitty feeling and you just wish you had answers.
On the other end of the spectrum, you’ve got some dude who. Will. Not. Leave. You. The fuck. Alone. For whatever reason, this bro texts you more often than Trump fires out tweets. And, of course, you have more interest in a slice of $17 avocado toast than you do him, and you can’t figure out for the life of you why he’s still in hot pursuit.
The answer, quite simply, is that dudes are like puppies. We’re dumb, and in order to get through to us, you have to be direct and firm. You need to make it wildly clear to him that he has a better shot of being on The Bachelorette than he does of hooking up with you.
But let’s talk about why this guy won’t leave you alone. You gave him a reason to be into you, at least from his perspective. You could have given him your number at a bar. Swiped right on the kid. Maybe flashed him a flirty smile across the room. Whether or not there was ever an ounce of interest on your part, that’s beside the point. Guys put this kind of stuff into the Spin Zone, convincing ourselves that these things mean wayyyy more than they actually do. “Oh, a girl commented on my Instagram picture of the sunset? She hundo p wants to fellate me.” It sounds absolutely ricockulous, but this is what’s going on in our heads. Again, we’re dumb puppies.
You can’t beat around the bush with us. If he keeps being persistent, don’t continue chatting with him if your intention is to never hang out with him. By even just engaging with him, it makes it seem to him that you’re interested. If you keep putting off hanging out by coming up with excuses, he’ll rationalize and say you’re just a busy bee and the fact that you still chat with him is indication enough that he’s got a shot.
I’ve got this friend – we’ll call her Carrie because that’s her name – she’s been chatting with a guy from Hinge for THREE months, they’ve never been on a date yet, she keeps coming up with reasons why she can’t go out. It’s summer, she’s been busy, and every time he asks her out she’s got something else going on. If she was into him, she’d come back with a date when she’s free. But she doesn’t, because she’s just not that into him. However, he doesn’t pick up on this. Why? Because she leaves just enough window open for this guy to keep being persistent. He’ll message her, she responds, and a new cycle begins. She’s being too polite.
This is how you handle a guy who keeps texting you and you’re having none of it. You have to be honest and direct, or else the guy’s going to keep coming and coming and coming, like
Peter North waves of the undead in Sunday’s GoT episode.
Here’s a perfect example of how to pull this off. I went on a first date last week. I didn’t feel too much of a spark with this girl, but she’s cute enough so I asked her out again, basically just to try to have sex with her, because I’m an asshole. She didn’t feel the spark either, and instead of just kind of dancing around it, she was direct and honest.
Me: Any interest in showing me one of your favorite ice cream spots this week?
Her: I have to be honest, it was really great getting to know you but I just didn’t feel a connection.
Bingo bango bongo. No hard feelings. The chances that we’re a good match are like one in a bazillion, so I totally get it. If she was like “oh, um, next week I’m pretty busy,” I would have just texted her again for the following week. Because guys are dumb puppies who think with our dicks and that’s it. So just tell the dude you’re not about it and he’ll back off. I promise..
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