Why It’s Okay To Care Too Much

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Just about everyone wants love. If you don’t, then I’m pretty sure you aren’t a human being. Or maybe you just don’t have a soul. As for the rest of us girls who pine for love and ache over the perfect romantic comedy, we have somehow taught ourselves that we aren’t allowed to reveal our true emotions to the opposite sex. More specifically, these emotions can only be exposed in a controlled, contrived way to give off the impression that we’re interested, but not too interested. In fact, we’ve been trained that we cannot care too much, or the boy will take off running in the other direction. Even my girl Lorde has picked up on it: “It’s a new art form showing people how little we care.”

When did we become so consumed about whether we care too much about another person? Since when is it a bad thing to care about someone and show it? This insanity has only led us to overthink everything: whether we should text first, whether or not he likes us back, whether or not we seem too clingy. But you know what? It’s okay to care. Even further, it’s okay to care too much. We are human beings, and as humans, we have emotions, feelings, and hormones that make us do all kinds of weird things in the name of love.

I’m so sick of hearing the girls around me obsessing over how they come across to a guy. “Do I sound too needy?” or, “Oh, my gosh, he probably thinks I’m a stalker,” or, “I totally can’t double text him, he hasn’t replied yet,” they’ll say. And enough of this “whoever cares less has more power in the relationship” shit. A healthy relationship is based on mutual affection, not mind games and power trips.

This perception needs to end now. It’s ridiculous that in the process of caring for someone, we have talked ourselves out of caring for someone. Contradictory much? Believe it or not, ladies, it’s NORMAL to have feelings for someone and want to show it. And you know what? You aren’t going to get anywhere with anyone if your heart is as cold as Elsa’s fingertips.

Even if it doesn’t work out and a crush ends up being a one-sided thing, it doesn’t mean you were wrong for caring about him. Obviously, he was a person who you became close with, and his personality (and looks) made you develop feelings for a reason. Just because he doesn’t feel the same way, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid or pathetic or worthless. It’s time for us to stop caring about what people think and stop defining our happiness based on what others (boys) think of us.

The next time you like a guy, don’t close yourself off and play mind games to come off as demure and mysterious. In all honesty, he’ll probably think you’re uninterested and move on. If you care, LET YOURSELF CARE. It’s okay. I promise it won’t be the end of the world if one guy doesn’t like you back. And bottling up your emotions? That won’t solve anything. Those suckers aren’t going anywhere, so stop hiding from them.

It’s time to get off our high horses and let the world (of boys) know that YES, WE CARE. And you know what? We do NOT CARE what you or anyone else thinks. Despite what society wants us to believe, our happiness comes from within ourselves, not from the fleeting, two-word reply that some boy texts us. At the end of the day, caring too much is just a part of growing up. You win some, you lose some. But if you keep on caring, you might just find the right someone.

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@katesland is a recent journalism grad from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo looking to connect people through her writing. She believes storytelling strings strangers together and can't wait to share her mind with the world.

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