Why It’s Okay To Text Him First


Since I live in a sorority house, it’s inevitable that I overhear a lot of talk. Unsurprisingly, there is no shortage of talk about guys. A specific trend I continue to witness is girls putting way too much stress and anxiety on themselves when deciding whether or not they should be the first to send a text to spark a conversation with a guy they’re interested in. You probably know exactly what I’m talking about. I hear scores of concerns like, “Will I look too desperate?” and “I don’t want to double text!” on a daily basis. And to be honest, I think it sucks.

I don’t know when it happened that we, as women, started overthinking the simplicity of talking to guys. Guys aren’t complicated; we all know this. They like sports, cold beer, and girls who pay attention to them. None of this really matters, though. Frankly, the issue here has nothing to do with boys, or what they think about us. The issue at hand is that this trend continues to make smart girls second guess themselves–as well as their worth.

If you like a guy and you are genuinely interested in having a conversation with him, you should NOT be ashamed of that. You are awesome, and you deserve a hell of a lot more than the unnecessary pressure you put on yourself by worrying what he might think about you starting a conversation. If a guy is going to judge you for liking him and acting on that interest by sending a simple text, he’s not worth your time anyway. Most likely, that won’t happen. Guys don’t think about this shit half as much as we do.

On top of this, we should accept the fact that times have changed. Don’t get me wrong, because I have always been one to value tradition, especially when it comes to dating. I love it when guys hold the door, take me on legitimate dates, and wait a while to make a move. While it’s more than okay to hold on to these traditions, it’s also okay to accept modern ideas of equality and control in relationships. Don’t just wait around until he feels like talking. Make things happen on your own. If you feel like having a conversation now, that matters.

It’s worth noting that guys actually like when you text them first. In case you don’t believe me, I asked three guys, “What are your thoughts on a girl texting you first?” This is what they told me:

  • “That would be a vast improvement over what most girls do. I feel like half the time guys are expected to start every conversation. It’s very weird.”
  • “I can’t speak for all guys, but I wouldn’t mind it. It never happens, but if I were interested in talking to a girl I wouldn’t mind her starting the conversation once and a while.”
  • “I think it’s really stupid when a girl refuses to text a guy first. Also, if a girl texts first it makes a guy think she’s actually interested, so he knows he isn’t wasting his time.”

It’s time for us to stop psyching ourselves out by playing petty mind games. It’s time for us to be honest and upfront with our feelings, rather than worry about the risk of putting ourselves out there. Personally, if I like a guy, I’m going to text him. I’m not going to worry that he might think I look needy or desperate. I’m not going to care if I was the last person to send a text in the conversation. I’m not going to spend an hour deciding what I should say to come off as a really cool girl, because I’m actually kind of a weirdo and I think it’s best that they know what they’re getting themselves into. Life’s too short. If he’s worth it, I’m going to be straightforward and put myself out there. And I’m going to be confident in that decision.

So text him first, and do it for you. Do it because you deserve to have that ounce of control in your life. Do it to be proactive in molding the relationships that you think would be good for you. Do it because you are a top-notch bitch, and honestly, he’s probably into you, too.

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to

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