I’m the side chick. I’ll admit it. I won’t sit around and try to justify why it’s okay to hook up with a guy in a relationship (because it isn’t and I won’t), but that doesn’t change the fact that I am indeed the side-chick. I currently (on some level) have a relationship with a boy who is in a relationship with another girl. In fact, way too often in my life I’ve had guys in relationships attempt to cheat on their girlfriends with me. To be honest I don’t really know what the reason behind this is. I must give off some kind of vibe or something. But that’s not the point of this post. In reality, my experience as the other woman has given me a lot of insight into why guys cheat.
1. He’s insecure.
This could be insecurity on many levels. Maybe he has a below average dick, maybe he’s failing a class, maybe he just lacks confidence. Regardless of what the insecurity is, it all stems from one thing: his insecurity makes him worried that he won’t be good enough for anyone anymore. Let me explain further. You might love him so much and support him and give him all the attention he needs, but if there’s something deep down inside of him that’s making him feel uncomfortable with himself he will very often seek out the company of other girls for validation.
In a guy’s mind having the ability to get a girl to want to hook up with him is the ultimate form of success. It stems back to evolution for fuck’s sake. Guys stem almost all of their confidence on sexual performance (in the actual sex part and the getting to the actual sex part). So instead of finding a new hobby to curb his need to feel less insecure, he’s going to find another girl. The cheating isn’t going to help fix the problem because at the end of the day it will still be there, and if it’s really bad then that’s when the cheating becomes a consistent thing.
2. He’s scared for the future.
This, in many ways, relates to the point about insecurity. We all can agree that boys tend to be afraid of commitment in all forms. So when a guy starts to be plagued with fears of his future (with you or otherwise), he will cheat. Maybe he’s afraid of the idea of only ever being with one girl for the rest of his life. Maybe he doesn’t know what he wants to do for his career. Maybe he’s graduating soon and reality is hitting him. Regardless of the reason for the fear, it will often drive him to find something to feel in control of, and very often that is sex, and very often that sex will end up being with someone else.
3. He’s not happy in the relationship anymore.
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. He’s just not that into you. And because of this he has a wandering eye for something else, and that leads to cheating. Usually guys in this category just don’t know how to end the relationship that they’re in, so instead of talking about their feelings with you (because we all know that’s the most ~terrifying~ thing ever) he’s just going to cheat on you. He’s going to start looking for something that will make him happy, and more often than not that has to do with the pleasure of his dick.
4. He’s not satisfied sexually.
This is probably what most people assume when there’s cheating, and of course it once again has everything to do with his penis. If he’s not sexually excited by you anymore then he’s going to find another girl who does excite him. It sucks, but it’s true. Sometimes people just don’t fit sexually and I’m sure we can all agree that bad sex is very often a deal breaker. The tricky thing here is maybe he does really like you and want to hang out with you but he just isn’t into penetrating you (not a good enough reason to use the word penetrate I know), if this is the case he probably won’t break up with you, but he will have sex with someone else. I think the biggest fault of girlfriends in this situation is that they’re not understanding and compromising to their partner’s sexual needs before it gets to that point. For example, say your boyfriend is really into blow jobs, but you aren’t. If he’s consistently asking you for them and you are consistently denying him then eventually (in many cases) he finds someone else who will agree. Now I’m not saying that you should do things that you’re uncomfortable with to make him happy, but it wouldn’t hurt to know what he likes and what turns him on and to then try to do those things for him.
5. He’s an asshole.
Sorry to break it to you, but sometimes guys just can’t be monogamous. I don’t really know why it is that some boys can’t resist the urge to be a fuckboy, but these guys will always exist, and as much as it sucks, I’m sure you’re not the first girl he’s cheated on.
At the end of the day cheating sucks, but it happens. The best advice I can give to keep your man out of some other girl’s bed is to just recognize the signs. Communication is key in a relationship, and as a side-chick I can guarantee you that if he’s not communicating with you then he’s communicating with someone else. That’s actually the easiest way for homewreckers to get in on your relationship. As soon as a girl can get a guy to complain to her about his girlfriend she has an “in” to fuck shit up. So recognize that your boyfriend has insecurities and fears and emotions even if he doesn’t want to admit to them. Helping him deal with these things in a way that doesn’t involve his penis is the best way to prevent cheating from happening..